TV and Burgers

It’s not particularly difficult to sum up this season of Survivor. It was Rob’s game from the beginning. While Russell came in with a giant target on his back and was instantly hated by most everyone, Rob came in like the beloved hero and savior and walked away with it all. I can’t say I wanted Rob to win, but if you go by who played the best then Rob was the obvious choice. On Redemption Island we had our inhabitants preparing for their final challenge to get back into the game while at the same time reminiscing about their days on RI. You’d think it was the Ritz the way they were talking about it. Even Matt had learned to love it after spending a record 29 days out there. I guess Jesus told him he’d better love it. The final challenge in the RI arena was one of balance and endurance. Matt, Grant, Mike and Andrea had to use a foot to balance an urn on the end of a board. Kind of like holding a seesaw level for an extended period of time. Unfortunately for Matt all that ti...

We are now dangerously close to the end of another season of Survivor, yet Phillip is still bitching and complaining about rice.  If I did not know any better I would swear that rice is like kryptonite to Phillip.  One can only imagine the problems he has when ordering Chinese take-out.  But we’ll get to that in more detail in a little while because we first must start at the beginning. As Murlonio returned to camp Ashley & Natalie were happy that they were the last two girls.  Yes, but you are still outnumbered and you did not need to be.  You had Andrea and could have taken over the game leaving three girls still in the game, but you instead chose to blindly follow Rob and follow his every command.  After Ashley spoke with Natalie about staying together Natalie ran right to Rob and confessed everything.  Rob told her to just keep up appearances and keep doing what he says.  Like I have said before, Rob is the master and is play...

I have never been particularly found of things that are schmaltzy or sappy and thus I have never been a fan of the loved ones from home episodes of Survivor.  Don’t get me wrong I still love the show, but I could certainly do without parents, siblings and friends showing up.  I think that the time at camp needs to remain more secretive.  If you are on the show or working there you get to see it.  If not, it’s off limits.  But, it is what it is and because of that I do what I do, whatever that is.  Capiche?  Our story began with some male bonding out on Redemption Island.  Surprised to see Steve show up immediately after Ralph, he was met with great adulation.  Steve looked like a beaten man.  He had been through the trials of Survivor and was about as enthusiastic as a rock.  I got the feeling he just wanted to leave.  Poor Steve. The Ometepe Six are back at camp too and celebrating their domination of Zapatera....

Our show opened with the tribe returning from the racially wild tribal council we witnessed last week.  Steve, being ever the gentleman, reached out to Phillip and told him that there was no apologies needed and that all their problems were in the past.  They shook hands, made nice and went to bed.  (Not together)  But Phillip was not buying any of it.  Not even for a dollar.  Nope, Phillip felt that Steve was not being “genuous”, which can only mean one of two things: 1. Phillip has been taking English lessons from Ralph or 2. Phillip is an avid user of the Sarah Palin dictionary. Either way it was perfectly fine with Boston Rob who proclaimed that “as long as he (Phillip) keeps up his stupid antics he’ll be coming with me all the way to the finals”.  If Rob does get to the finals it would be difficult to vote against him seeing that he has played a masterful game and has five people following him like puppies.  And besides that ...

What is the deal with Phillip and rice?  Whenever rice is around Phillip turns from mild mannered former federal agent (?) to a crazy lunatic.  Excuse me, but I must clarify that I mean nothing bad or racist by calling Phillip a crazy lunatic.  Crazy knows no color.  Just look at Charlie Sheen.  But before we delve into Phillip’s issues we must start at the top where we find Matt talking to the sky. Poor Matt; so gullible, so dumb and still such a threat despite his wanting to get out of the game.  And who could blame him?  Matt has spent the majority of his time isolated on Redemption Island and despite his victories he is still public enemy number one to Rob.  Matt opened the show by praying to God and telling him/her that he wanted to get out of the game, but for some reason Matt was under the assumption that God wanted him to stay.  Let me explain something to Matt.  You have free will.  You have the right to choose...

For whatever reason, when I was in high school I learned how to play the theme from The Godfather on my saxophone.  In what was likely a desperate move for attention I would play it and then do an incredibly awful Marlon Brando imitation.  As I watched Survivor this week I could not help but recall that as I watched Boston Rob take complete control of his minions.  He had apparently made them an offer they could not refuse and their mission was to destroy the old Zapatera. Whether you like him or not, you have to admit that Boston Rob is playing a great game right now.  On his fourth attempt at Survivor he is playing one of the greatest seasons we have ever seen.  Rob appears to have almost achieved complete mind control of the former Ometepe.  At this point he looks invincible as no one has stepped up yet to challenge him.  This week’s episode left no questions on the table.  Boston Rob is The Don.  Our show began with the se...

There is a lot to be said about this week’s episode of Survivor so let’s dispense with the pleasantries and get right to it.  Zapatera returned from Tribal Council with David telling Ralph he completely understood why he wrote his name down that evening.  Nothing else needed to be said, but they all talked about how they had no option and had to win the next challenge.  Little did they know they would never get the chance. Sarita had arrived at Redemption Island and was welcomed by Matt.  Matt gave her a place to sleep and Sarita spilled the beans all about her tribe, essentially contradicting the stories he was told by Krista & Stephanie.  The stage was set for Matt to flip if he was luck enough to get back into the game.  However, Matt had a painful cit on his foot and he said if the challenge involved anything physical he could be in trouble.  In the business we call this foreshadowing.  Both tribes were commanded to appear ...

It was another week of problems at Zapatera, nuttiness from Phillip and hot girls sunning themselves in beach chairs.  In addition there was the crispy rice battle, not to be confused with the great Rice Krispies battle of 1933 in which Snap, Crackle and Pop prevailed over Belch, Tinkle and Fart for cereal supremacy. But our episode began with Zapatera returning from Tribal Council (or TC as Jeff calls it on Twitter) and a slightly uncomfortable conversation between Sarita and David.  David let Sarita know that he technically had no problems with her, but he did not trust her.  Now as far as I can tell a lack of trust is a problem especially between people supposedly on the same tribe.  David still appears to be quite bitter over Sarita choosing Stephanie to be the puzzle solver instead of him.  Sarita tried to make nice with David, but he would have none of it. Stephanie arrived at Redemption Island and I have to think that Matt was not too thri...

Once again we were treated to the awesome sight of hot babes in bikinis lying on the beach.  Unfortunately we also had to endure watching Natalie trim the underarm hairs of Ashley.  Talk about ruining a moment!  Nonetheless we had another great episode last night so let’s get right to it. Krista arrived at Redemption Island and found Matt doing an amazing Claude Rains imitation.  She snuggled up next to him in an effort to stay dry and warm.  They seemed to get along quite well due to their bonding over God, but both of them knew that only one of them would survive the upcoming death match.  So naturally they prayed about it.  This was very confusing for me and brought up several questions as they prayed together on the beach.  1. Does God really have nothing better to do than to intervene in a challenge between two schmucks on a reality show?  Again, there are also sorts of travesties going on in the world, but you two felt...

It lasted less than 10 seconds, but it was one of the greatest scenes in Survivor history.  I must have rewound and watched it twenty times.  Andrea, Ashley & Natalie under a waterfall taking a shower.  It was a beautiful sight.  Three hot babes in bikinis under flowing water.  This had virtually nothing to do with the rest of last night’s episode, but it was my favorite part.  I actually think that if they turned that into a weekly series it would get killer ratings.  I know I’d watch it.  Now that I have your attention we can discuss last night in detail.  Our episode started with Ometepe returning from tribal council.  Phillip was a little down as he knew he was nothing more than an outsider looking in.  So naturally it was in his best interest to strip down to his fuchsia panties and snuggle up next to Boston Rob.  Rob was concerned and made sure that Phillip had his undies on which led to the best lin...

It’s over.  The reign of terror has finally come to an end.  Three times we have had Russell Hantz forced on us and twice we had to watch him lie, cheat and steal his way all the way to the final three only to see him fail to get a single vote.  But no more.  No more will we have to look at that stupid hat and the dumbass grin.  No longer will we have to deal with his conceit for the self proclaimed king is dead.  Long live the king, but not really.  I have been waiting to write of the demise of Russell for a long time now, but it must wait just a few more minutes. Our episode began with Russell meeting up on Redemption Island with Matt.  Russell, of course, was expecting Francesca, but he was confident that he would easily defeat Matt.  Russell made the claim that he was far from done in the game and boy was he angry.  He wanted to “bitch slap” all the members of his tribe.  He had nothing good to say about any of t...