The 84th Annual Academy Awards

It was a return to normalcy for the Oscars last night.  After the debacle of 2011 the Academy decided to stop trying to pander to the 18-24 demographic and gave us an old fashioned Oscars telecast celebrating vintage Hollywood.  The show, while still over three hours long, was fast paced and done well.  It was comfort food, Oscars style. 

Billy Crystal returned for his ninth stint as host and he was a welcome relief from the disinterested James Franco and the way too perky Anne Hathaway.  Crystal opened with his traditional methods: inserting himself into a montage of clips from the films of 2011 followed by a medley in which he mentioned all the Best Picture nominees.  The thing you get with Crystal is that he is safe.  The Academy knows he is not going to go off the deep end, start swearing or get overly political.  The other thing that Crystal does best is that he reacts.  He reacts and adjusts to the audience and to what has happened on stage.  This is something that Franco & Hathaway failed to do last year.  Overall I think he did a great job last night and would be welcomed back as many times as he wanted to host.  I was pleased. 

As is the norm for me, the night began watching the stars arrive on the Red Carpet.  I am always astounded at some of the stupid questions those reporters ask the stars as they parade by.  I began on the TV Guide Network and then switched to ABC once their coverage began.  I avoided the coverage on E! due to the fact that Mr. Vanilla, Ryan Seacrest, was handling the hosting duties.  Unfortunately that meant missing Sacha Baron Cohen dump ashes on the evil Seacrest, but waiting for the one good moment was not worth 90 minutes of enduring the torture of the blandest guy in show biz. 

I generally liked most of the gowns the ladies were wearing, but I did notice that no one was

willing to tell those that chose their gowns poorly (I’m talking to you Rooney Mara and Shailene Woodley).  Every single person told these women they looked great, but come on.  Just once I’d like to hear someone tell a woman in an ugly gown that she made a poor choice.  Anyway, I will tell you that I thought Jessica Chastain looked absolutely fabulous in her gown and hers was my favorite of the night.  Runner up awards must go to Octavia Spencer, Natalie Portman, Angelina Jolie and Michelle Williams.  (BTW, did anyone else think Angelina’s arms looked way too thin?) I should also tell you that Stacey Keibler looked smoking hot, but I chose not to include her because by this time next year she will be an afterthought and will be watching the Oscars on TV as George Clooney will have certainly moved on to another hot babe by then.  And was the left nipple of Jennifer Lopez attempting to make a surprise appearance?  Sure looked like it to me, but then again I was really looking. 

Again, Billy Crystal got the somewhat predictable show off to a good start and kept the festivities rolling at a decent pace.  I loved how he continually poked fun of the name of the theatre formerly known as the Kodak Theatre.  “Welcome to the Chapter 11 Theatre” was my favorite. 

By far, my favorite acceptance speech of the night was the one given by Octavia Spencer.  Why on earth the Academy insists on setting a way too short time limit when you have an emotional moment such as hers I have no idea.  Despite the fact that she was the favorite she looked genuinely touched by the honor and there was no doubt that her tears were real.  Would it have hurt to have given her an extra minute or two?

Kermit and Miss Piggy were on hand to introduce a performance by Cirque du Soleil that celebrated the movie going experience.  I love The Muppets and while I always find it kind of creepy when they appear on talk shows I have no problem with them sitting in a balcony sharing some witty banter.  I would be remiss if I failed to mention how good Miss Piggy looked in her gown.  Unfortunately I did not ever see her on the Red Carpet.  I did think, however, that the Cirque performance was quite good despite the fact that it is so much more difficult to take in the magnitude of a Cirque performance on TV.  It is something that one must experience live.  That said I still enjoyed it substantially more than those horrid Debbie Allen song and dance medleys that they mercifully ended a few years ago. 

I thought the funniest bit of the night was when we saw Christopher Guest and his troupe of improve artists (Jennifer Coolidge, Bob Balaban, Catherine O’Hara, Eugene Levy and Fred Willard) sitting through as an alleged focus group watching The Wizard of Oz.  Guest himself said they should have reversed the movie and started in color and switched to black and white.  Fred Willard loved the flying monkeys.  Eugene Levy did not care for the rainbow song.  I can imagine that those who did not like films such as “Best in Show” or “Waiting for Guffman” may not have liked this bit too much, but for me it was hilarious. 

Other moments I enjoyed:

• The ladies from Bridesmaids all up on stage together presenting three separate awards.  Although Kristen Wiig has (wisely) said she

has no intention of making a sequel, I would love to see these ladies together again in a film.  These are some seriously talented and funny women. 
• The acceptance speech from Christopher Plummer.  A well deserved accolade after a long and distinguished career.  (His role in the wretched Sound of Music not withstanding)
• The bit with Billy Crystal and Melissa McCarthy.  Funny stuff.  Would anyone else besides me like to see Melissa in more movies? 
• Alexander Payne dedicating his Oscar to his mother.
• Jonah Hill bringing his mother with him to attend the Oscars.
• Angelina Jolie’s right leg.
• Seeing Billy Crystal do his Sammy Davis, Jr. impression.  I love that. 
• Not wasting time having anyone perform the songs nominated for Best Original Song.  A snippet of each was good enough. 

But it was not a perfect night.  Alas, there were some moments I did not enjoy:

• Woody Allen not showing up.  I realize that he never attends the Oscars and I understand why, but it sure would have been nice to have seen him accept and hear what he might have said.  When he did attend the Oscars in 2002 to implore filmmakers to continue making films in New York after 9/11 he was met with great applause.  I can only imagine his reception had he shown up last night.
• Emma Stone’s perkiness.  It was a pre-planned bit, but fell a bit flat for my taste.
• That giant red bow around Emma Stone’s neck.  Creepy.
• The pre-recorded bits that ABC thrust upon us as the stars were arriving.  We just want to see them walk the Red Carpet.  We don’t care about their struggles to get where they are today. 
• Meryl Streep winning Best Actress over Viola Davis.  This felt like a lifetime achievement award moment, which is odd since she had already won twice before.  Streep is an exceptional actress, but she has had better roles in better films.  (think Julie & Julia, Doubt or The Devil Wears Prada) This award belonged to Davis.  (On a side note I will say that her speech was very well said and she did seem genuinely shocked to have won)
• The Iron Lady (which I thought was a sequel to Iron Man) winning best makeup.  Seriously?  Over Harry Potter?  You have got to be kidding me!  Even the makeup in Albert Nobbs was more impressive.  They turned Glenn Close into a man for crying out loud. 
• The Artist winning Best Picture.  This was no surprise whatsoever, but it still bugged me.  Admittedly I have not seen this film, but from the scenes they showed it looked beyond boring.  The dog was the only interesting thing I saw.  Wouldn’t it be fun one year to see a stunning upset in this category?  Wouldn’t it be fun if just one year we could have some films nominated that people actually saw?

Overall I give the 84th Annual Academy Awards a solid B+.  The Oscars were fun once again, at least for one year.