The 86th Annual Academy Awards
I tuned in to the TV Guide Network to watch the arrivals because that evil robot Seacrest was on E and there was no way I could sit through that. I did like Nancy O’Dell’s gown and I thought that Ireland Baldwin looked nice as well, although she has some really dumbass tattoos and the way she would pop up and then disappear was very odd. I only wish Nancy would have allowed some of the stars to actually answer her questions. She would ask and when they would start to answer she would pull the mic back and keep on talking. The woman loves to hear herself speak. Of course the coverage then switched to ABC where we were subjected to seeing many of the same stars we had already seen. Sigh, why can’t Robin Roberts or Jess Cagle ask less obvious questions?
Once inside the Dolby Theatre the show began and host Ellen DeGeneres came out. I have said it before and will say it again; I like Ellen. I have seen her stand-up specials and thought they were very funny. I work all stinking day so I’ve never seen her talk show, but I have seen clips online and she is often very funny. However I do recall the last time she hosted and I know I was disappointed. I had hoped tonight would be different. It was not. Ellen was, in a word, awful. Unfunny could also be used in that context. Her monologue to open the show fell flat. I could hear limited laughter from the crowd so it was clear that she did not grab them right out of the gate. Her joke with Liza was amusing if only for the reason that it appeared to piss of Liza.
Throughout the evening Ellen seemed to be too careful. Her introductions of the presenters were mostly humor free and often she seemed out of step, albeit that is a big part of her shtick. I thought the pizza bit
This is not to say that the evening did not have its moments. What the hell did Travolta call Idina Menzel? Oh yes, he called her “Adele Dazeem”. (This leads me to wonder how he would butcher my name) Is there something wrong with him? He looked all squinty and I am not even sure his toupee was on correctly. Maybe it was too tight. In any case when Idina Menzel came out and sang she brought down the house. I love her!
Other favorite moments of the night:
Jared Leto’s speech - I was glad he won and when he gave his speech it almost brought me to tears. This was my favorite speech of the night until…
Lupito Nyong’o’s speech - First of all she looked absolutely beautiful in that gown. Second of all she would probably look beautiful wearing just about anything. And finally I just loved her speech. She did make me tear up just a tad. (My nickname of Old Stone Face is slowly slipping away)
Pink & Bette Midler - Both of them sang beautifully and impressed me. Pink should sing like that all the time.
Jim Carrey – He was very funny when he introduced the animated heroes. I loved his imitation of Bruce Dern and I think Bruce did as well. This also led to one of Ellen’s only funny lines of the night when she asked if anyone else thought there was too little Finding Nemo in that montage.
Darlene Love – When she belted out that little a cappella song when the film she was in won best documentary I was thrilled. One of my favorites.
Kim Novak & Goldie Hawn – They both looked like completely different people. In fact they looked like those marionettes from that old Thunderbirds show from the 60’s. Seriously, why can’t people allow themselves to just age with dignity. I never saw Jessica Tandy getting Botox and she was as beautiful in her old age as she was when she was young.
Kim Novak attempting to read her lines – Apparently the Botox does not allow her to open her mouth wide enough to speak.
Sidney Poitier – In one of the most uncomfortable moments of the night, the great Mr. Tibbs spoke as slowly as possible and appeared as if he were ready to pass out. There comes a time when you have to hang it up. Sidney should have done so before Oscar night.
John Travolta – I know we have already discussed this, but it bears mentioning again. He had one thing to do. One. Read your lines. Did he not attend rehearsal? Did he not practice? Thank God he did not have to introduce Chiwetel Ejiofor.
U2 – Has there ever been a more overrated band? I cannot stand U2. That Bono character has such an aura of self-importance it makes me sick. Remember the parallel universe in Fringe? They had never heard of Bono. What a wonderful world that would be.
Pharrell - Who the heck is this guy and why have I never heard of him before this week? And what is the deal with that hat?
Overall I would give the show a grade of C+. It was incredibly average and had a shortage on the big moments we want to see. Ellen’s flop as a host brought down the grade quite a bit. Dear Academy, please see if you can get Jimmy Fallon or Jimmy Kimmel to host next year. A milquetoast host is not what the Oscars need. Thanks!
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