Oscars 2019

Hey kids,

The 91st Annual Academy Awards have come and gone. Just like this years Super Bowl, I was bored and disappointed. Dammit Academy, a host is desperately needed and you just bucked the mummy train on this one.  Did that even make sense? No, well neither did most of this night. I am not going over the whole thing, however a few of the highlights.

While I was really looking forward to Queen opening the show with a guy I had never heard of before named Adam Lambert, it really was a disappointment. Why not just have Rami Malek up there doing his Freddie Mercury imitation? It was lackluster and not a great start to the night.

Then three of my favorite women, Maya Rudolph, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler and did a very funny yet all too brief routine about how there is not a host. Hello Academy? Why the hell were these three women not the hosts?  Gack!

Melissa McCarthy covered in stuffed bunnies. Why? I have no clue. Hilarious? You betcha! One of the best moments of the night. Melissa McCarthy as the host for the night? Academy? Anyone?

I want to talk a moment about the songs that were nominated for Best Original Song. I had never heard any of them before that night and I have to say they all sucked. Jennifer Hudson was off key and the song sucked. Then there was something from Black Panther that I suppose I must have heard during the closing credits, but it did not resonate and I did not like it. Bette Midler sang something from Mary Poppins Returns, a movie no one asked for, yet people felt the need to bitch and moan that Emily Blunt did not sing it on stage. You want to know why? Because when you can get Bette fucking Midler you take her! (Sir Griffin I have asked you to leave) Then some horrendous cowboy song from something I never heard of before and dear god it was awful. But then…

The song we (well, not me) had all been waiting for; the one that was the preordained winner from the 1239th remake of A Star is Born; the one that is making me have fun with semicolons; the one performed live by a

Trash Panda

Space Raccoon

 Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga; um, I have no idea what it was called, but I hated it. First of all, Cooper has limited singing ability and should not be singing outside of a recording studio. Lady Gaga is great I suppose, but this was the very first time I had ever seen her perform anywhere! I had no idea what to expect and what I got was a “meh” song and what almost amounted to live sex on stage.

Is there any chance these 2 arent fucking? pic.twitter.com/U6IIJBKvhy

— David Spade (@DavidSpade) February 25, 2019

What else can I possibly say? The night was not as long as most OScar nights, but felt substantially longer for some reason. Oh yes, no host to move it along!

So just a last few bits of tidying up.

Thank god the borefest Roma did not win Best Picture, bur seriously, Green Book over Black Panther? The Academy plays it too safe once again IMHO.

Olivia Colman winning best actress over the overrated Glenn Close (whos showed up in a golden gown, how tacky) was marvelous, but her speech was even better. Bravo Olivia!

Rami Malek absolutely deserved Best Actor. No question about it. He fell off the stage too and was treated by paramedics. Awesome.

OMG the woman from The Punisher (Jaime Ray Newman) just won an Oscar! How cool is that?

Spike Lee finally gets his due. Should have gotten more, but one step at a time I suppose.

Barbra Streisand was there. I don’t even recall why, but it was Barbra and she looked great.

Hey, Trevor Noah was on stage doing something that I have now forgotten and he was hilarious. Plus, that accent! 2020 Oscar Host?

That’s it for now kids. 

Namaste