Will you Please Stop Playing that Song

Hey kids,

Being that today is Halloween (okay I realize it’s not Halloween any longer, but it was when I started writing this so get over it) it is my duty to mention that I have never seen the movie “Hocus Pocus”.  When it came out I said “that looks shitty” and I have high hopes that I will never see it.  Okay, that news is out of the way. On with the main event.

This past summer when we took a blissfully short road trip we tried using Spotify in the car.  We each took turns choosing artists to listen to (I pretty much always picked The Beatles or Elvis Costello) and then trying not to complain about each other’s selections.  On several occasions I mentioned that there were certain songs that I have heard enough and I never need to hear them again.  Then I recently read an article in which someone on NPR had come up with the same idea that I did; that certain songs need to be retired.  So I decided that I would make a list of the songs I never, ever want to hear again.  And I now present to you a part of my fabulous list.  There are way too many songs to list, but these are the ones I am the most sick of hearing.

Hotel California by The Eagles – Now I make no claim to be an Eagles fan by any stretch of the imagination, but I have listened to their music before since it is almost impossible to escape it.  I have checked in to this hotel for the final time and contrary to the lyrics, I have left.  To me this is the most overplayed song of all time.  While it was an okay song in the 70’s, it has no place in the 21st century.  I’d rather stay at the Bates Motel than this dump.

Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin – Okay we get it.  You never gave your kid any attention and it came back to bite you in the ass.  Sorry dumbass, but you can’t go back in time (although Cher tried and since I have always hated that song it does not get included on this list) Seriously, if I could go back in time the third thing I would do is stop Chapin from writing this song. The first would be put Drumpf’s mother on a constant IV full of birth control and the second would be to make sure Neil Diamond devoted his life to really being a Cantor/Hazzan.  I realize Harry is dead, but dear god you made Mason Reese cry!  Why on earth are we still hearing a song that made Mason Reese cry?  Damn you for making Mason Reese cry!

Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond –  Speaking of the aforementioned Cantor, this song sucks.  In fact that is actually part of the lyrics.  I have heard this damn thing about 10 million times and recently it was once again forced upon us as part of an ad campaign for cars.  Some bozo in a car (do not even ask me what kind of car.  It may have been red) pulls up to the light and begins singing this drivel.  Then the girl in the car next to him (might be blue, possibly green) sings along with him.  Stop it.  Just stop playing this song!

Piano Man by Billy Joel – At one time I knew all the words to this song since I had heard it so much.  Then one day I cracked.  I heard it for the billionth time and that was it for me.  I can never hear this damn song again.  I don’t care what the microphone smells like and I do not care about Davy or the regular crowd.  Learn a different song.  I am told that Billy Joel has literally hundreds of other songs, yet this is the one I have to hear on a road trip.  Yeesh.

Down Under by Men at Work – This may surprise some people, but I am sick of this damn song.  It has been played more than any other Men at Work song and its time is over.  I recently was on a brief working vacation in Bonita Springs at a lovely resort.  I had been there before and knew of the lazy river.  When I was there two years ago I heard a lovely variety of tropical tunes with some Jimmy Buffett sprinkled in.  It all made perfect sense.  However this time they had Down Under playing on a continuous loop.  Over and over again as I looped around the lazy river I heard that damn song.  I wanted to set that damned fried out combie on fire.  No more!

There are more of course, but that is good enough for today.  Maybe one day I will write a part II.  If I do I’ll have to include Going up the Country by Canned Heat, Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin and everything ever performed by U2.  Or maybe those belong in the “oh my gosh I hate that song” category.

Namaste