Survivor: South Pacific: Brandon is Chastised by God

What a wild night.  Not so much on Survivor, but with the Rays

battling back from a 7-0 deficit to win in 12 innings combined with the collapse of the Red Sox gave Tampa Bay the American League Wild Card.  Meanwhile, the Phillies played hard while respecting the integrity of the game and knocked the Braves out of the playoffs giving the Cardinals the National League Wild Card.  I will say that I loved seeing Carl Crawford miss that fly ball against Baltimore.  It’s poetic justice for spurning the Rays and signing with the enemy.  What a night!

Survivor was fun too, but I will admit that I was a bit preoccupied.  However, our episode began with Christine whining about Coach, but then again that’s something we all have done at one time or another.  She then compared him to King Farouk, who was the King of Egypt from 1936 until he was overthrown and exiled to Italy in 1952.  Christine obviously has something here because I think a lot of us would like to see Coach exiled to Italy.  Coach, meanwhile, was back at camp looking quite pleased with himself for getting her out of the game. 

Mikayla was being comforted by Coach when Brandon came up and apologizes for interrupting.  Coach told him he wasn’t interrupting, but he was.  No doubt about it.  Poor Mikayla, Brandon was “150 percent sure” that she was going home despite the fact that even he did not vote for her.  It has always been a pet peeve of mine when people say dumb things like they give “110 percent” or they are “150 percent sure”.  It’s 100% people.  That’s everything. 

Tree mail gave each tribe the opportunity to witness the first Redemption Island duel.  Coach gave my favorite line of the night when he said “I would humbly request that the tribe allow me to go to this redemption”.  And they did allow him to go along with Stacey.  Ozzy apparently also humbly requested to go as he was there with the ultra sexy Elyse.  The duel was simple, but first we shall pause for a poem by Semhar…

I have big boobs and I will strip down naked for you

I will also have your baby by natural birth

Medicine is bad…BAD

Look at my big, pendulous breasts

Challenge will be won by one

Am I naked yet and where is that baby?

Yes, Semhar paused to recite poetry that was so bad that it even had Coach annoyed and had Jeff sighing wishing for it to end.  But once she was gone with her god awful poem it was time to balance a totem on a pole.  Gradually each player would have to add more poles to their pole and continue to keep the little tiki balanced.  Ultimately the poetry did not help and Semhar was out for good.  No more poems.  We are all giving a sigh of relief.

Back at Upolu Brandon was being chastised by God or so he thought.  Brandon has got some serious issues.  Nonetheless he decided it was time to stop lying and stop feeling the guilt and take off his shirt to reveal…a cow.  Okay, he was really revealing his tattoos that said “Hantz” so he could let everyone know that he was Russell’s nephew, but all I saw was the cow on his chest.  This was met with shock and awe.  No, not really.  Just a couple of shrugs and Stacey‘s declaration that it was “water up under the bridge”, which I have no idea what that means.  But that was not the end of Brandon’s craziness.  Not even close.  Mikayla confronted Brandon and wanted to know what his problem with her was.  He flat out told her that he did not like her, but failed to tell her how much he had been enjoying her beautiful boobs and butt from a distance.  Brandon decides that he needs to call a meeting of the tribe so he can assert his craziness on everyone. 

He made Mikayla cry which really pissed me off.  You do not make a woman cry, particularly one that is so darn hot. 

Over at Savaii Ozzy decides that it is time to reveal that he has the immunity idol.  I don’t get it.  I just do not get why everyone feels the need to reveal to at least one person that he/she has the idol.  It’s ridiculous.  So Ozzy reveals it to Keith, who then decides he needs to reveal it to the beautiful Whitney.  Dang she’s hot.  So now Ozzy no longer has a secret.  Good for you Ozzy. 

The immunity challenge consisted of racing across a bridge while holding a board attached to a rope.  Then they would retrieve a bag that had a banner in it.  Then came the best part: they would then get a ride back to shore on the board while a big wheel was cranked.  Once all the banner pieces were on the beach they had to be pulled to the top of a big wall via a grappling hook.  Then once all were up there and untied they could be put in their proper order.  Coach finally found a challenge he could do as he did very well with the hook.  Meanwhile Whitney revealed some breast action as she was bending over to hook the buckets.  Unfortunately the censors had already caught this and it was blurred out.  Damn.  Upolu won and sent Savaii to Tribal Council. 

Before they went there though there was the inevitable chatter at camp to see who was going.  Papa Bear and Cochran discussed how they knew it was one of them, but I can’t say that I saw either of them do anything remotely intelligent to try and avoid their destiny.  Oh sure, Papa Bear ran off in the jungle with one of  the funniest runs I have ever seen and tried to find the immunity idol that was now owned by Ozzy.  And sure, Papa Bear was followed by Elyse (and we got a great shot of her butt in the process. Oh baby!) And she knew exactly

what he was doing.  And to his credit, Papa Bear attempted to make a fake idol.  He shoved it in his pants and came back with a big grin so it was obvious to Cochran what he had done.  Papa Bear was not fooling anyone. 

So it was off to TC with the only thought in my mind was that Papa Bear was headed to RI, which is exactly what happened.  After last weeks epic TC we had quite a letdown, but still it was fun.  For now Cochran is still safe, but for how much longer?  Clearly he is next on the hit list unless he mans up and tries something.  Ozzy is historically good at challenges, but you’ve already lost two with him.  What does that say?  Do you really want him hanging around until he can dominate individual immunity challenges?  I think not.

Until next time my friends…