Survivor Redemption Island: Everybody Grab Your Balls
Sarita had arrived at Redemption Island and was welcomed by Matt. Matt gave her a place to sleep and Sarita spilled the beans all about her tribe, essentially contradicting the stories he was told by Krista & Stephanie. The stage was set for Matt to flip if he was luck enough to get back into the game. However, Matt had a painful cit on his foot and he said if the challenge involved anything physical he could be in trouble. In the business we call this foreshadowing.
Both tribes were commanded to appear at the RI challenge and both tribes wisely expected a merge was imminent. Sarita and Matt would compete in an endurance challenge. They would have to prop themselves up with their feet resting on small pegs. After 15 minutes they would go down to the next smaller peg and then after 15 more minutes to the final itsy bitsy peg. And wouldn’t you know it that the cut on Matt’s foot would be resting right on those pegs. How about that? For a minute I thought Matt was doomed for as we know a painful cut on the foot is not good plus women tend to do better in these challenges. But after the first 15 minutes Phillip began talking about The Bushido Code. And he talked, and talked, and talked and talked. They did not show it all, but by the looks on everyone’s face he spoke for the full 15 minutes until it was time for Jeff to tell them to go to the itsy bitsy peg. After about 10 more minutes Sarita could not take it any longer and fell to the ground. Matt had defended RI and got himself back in the game. Jeff announced the merge and everyone cheered. Then he announced that RI was still in play.
As our tribe then became one, they were treated to a feast on a new beach. Rob came up with the name for the merged tribe. He called it Murlonio which he said meant “from the sea, united”. Now I immediately knew that it meant no such thing. Privately Rob revealed that Murlonio was the ringleader of Amber’s stuffed animal collection. Did it surprise me at all that the way hot Amber had a stuffed animal collection? Of course not, but it did kid of shock me that there was a ringleader. I can only hope that at the reunion show we are able to meet Murlonio.
Once the players got their new camp built it was time for a little scripture lesson with Matt & Mike using Krista’s pink bible. Rob saw this, and rightly saw, as an instant problem. Just like when Matt bonded with Andrea and Rob instantly knew it was trouble. Poor Matt. He is so innocent and so stupid at the same time. He again said that God wanted him to win at RI when we all know that this is a game and God does not give a rat’s nose whether or not Matt was victorious. Let me tell you something Matt, you think you are doing this for God’s glory but how in the heck does being on Survivor glorify God? It doesn’t. You are there to win a million dollars and if you do I’ll be shocked beyond all comprehension. End of story. The only intelligent thing Matt said all night long was that he was not good at playing Survivor. That is what we in the business call an understatement.
So Mike took Matt aside and tried to convince him to come over to their side. It was the right move for Mike to make as the former Zapatera knew they’d be picked up one by one by Rob, who by the way is playing a brilliant game. But the only way it would work would be for Matt to convince Andrea to join them as well. Matt took this into consideration and then spoke with Andrea. Matt could not decide what he, or rather what God wanted him to do. See, this is a problem. We have to make our own decisions. God does not send out text messages that tell us what to do. You have to make a decision when you are playing a game. As long as you are playing by the rules and not cheating you are doing what God wants. He wants you to play fairly Matt and nothing else. Loyalty means nothing. However, Matt’s biggest blunder was yet to come.
The immunity challenge was now for individual immunity and was fairly simple. Each person would balance themselves on a log while holding a platter with a ball balanced on it. Over time a second ball would be added and then a third. The last person to remain balanced with all three balls still on the plate would win individual immunity. My second favorite part of this challenge was when Jeff told everyone to grab their balls and we'll get to my favorite part in a moment. I have to give Phillip his props for going much further than I had ever guessed, but it was Mike and Natalie at the end. Mike looked like a statue and Natalie looked as cute as ever. However, when a fly landed on Mike's balls the sweat was pouring off him and he was doomed. Doomed by The Fly! Natalie had won the first individual immunity challenge and she celebrated by doing a sexy little but shake. Yes, it was by far one of the sexiest little butt shakes I had ever seen and I think I wore out the rewind button watching it. Natalie is so sexy.
Back at camp Matt just could not hold it in. Despite Mike making promises that he would likely never keep Matt decided to play the "I am a complete idiot" card and tell everything to Rob. Seriously Matt are you really that stupid? You decide to tell Rob, the guy who masterminded your initial ouster, everything that Mike had told you and then pledge your loyalty to him? Are you seriously that stupid? Well, the answer is yes, Matt is a complete and utter dimwit. He even told Rob that Andrea was in on it as well which did not sit too well with her.
On a side note: while Matt was spilling all the secrets to Rob we were delighted with a scene of Ashley, Natalie and Andrea walking on the beach. Ashley, for whatever reason, decided that she needed to grab and massage her breasts while they walked. Again, the rewind button got a workout.
The writing was on the wall and even Rob barely had to tell a soul who was getting voted out and getting sent back to RI. Even still TC was fun to watch. David finally came clean and admitted to all that he had thrown that challenge a while back and Ralph handed his immunity idol off to Mike for whatever reason. Apparently they felt that Mike was the target from the former Ometepe and also thought that Matt and Andrea were with them. Phillip babbled about something as well, but I think that was to be expected. Ashley defended the former Ometepe's decision to use the tarp for themselves and allow the former Zapatera to attempt to sleep under the leaky palms.
In the end Matt was sent back to RI and for the most part I think he was a bit shocked, although there is no reason that he should have been. David found the move to be brilliant and said in his best Yoda "Genius is what that was". Matt was back on RI and totally convinced that God wanted him there for a reason. No Matt, you're there because you are a threat to win challenges and you're not that bright.
Until next time my friends...
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