Survivor Redemption Island: I Enjoy it on the Bottom
Whether you like him or not, you have to admit that Boston Rob is playing a great game right now. On his fourth attempt at Survivor he is playing one of the greatest seasons we have ever seen. Rob appears to have almost achieved complete mind control of the former Ometepe. At this point he looks invincible as no one has stepped up yet to challenge him. This week’s episode left no questions on the table. Boston Rob is The Don.
Our show began with the self proclaimed moron, Matt, getting comfortable back on Redemption Island. Matt, calling yourself a moron is probably the smartest thing you have said all season. Matt also declared himself as the most naïve player to ever play the game. Again, he is apparently getting wiser.
Back at camp the next morning Mike and David did their very best butt kissing of Rob. Mike congratulated him on his brilliant move and David compared the move to something out of a mob film further inflating the Boston Rob ego. Rob knew he was in complete control and no one was standing in his way.
Ralph knew that a move had to be made and he decided to ask Ashley if he was on the “chop block”. Until now I only thought the term chop block referred to an illegal play in football, but I am pretty sure Ralph wanted to know if he was on the chopping block. It took Ashley a few seconds to figure out this one as well, but then she honestly told Ralph that she had no idea. Since Rob had not told her yet what to do. Ralph made Ashley some sort of bizarre offer to Ashley telling her that she would get his vote in the final three in exchange for…something. I guess he was trying to keep himself in the game a bit longer, but since Ashley had nothing to offer him what was the point? Regardless Ashley said there was no reason to let Rob know this.
Natalie, who had been a witness to all of this, immediately ran to Rob to let him know what was going on. Thus came Rob’s declaration that Ashley would not be getting to the final three. No, you do not keep secrets from The Don and expect to advance far in the game. Natalie got a nice pat on the back and The Don thanked her for her loyalty. Then, I am guessing, she had to kiss his ring. Rob instituted a buddy system as well. He did not want anyone going off alone and risk getting accosted by a Zapatera.
This episode was filled with great lines and I think all of them were either said by Phillip or about him. When the tribe arrived at the first immunity challenge of the night, Phillip walked in looking like Hiawatha with a feather strapped to his head. Jeff asked “Phillip, did you have a collision with a hawk?” That was funny enough, but then Phillip told him about how he had been meditating and asked for a sign and then out of thin air the feather appeared. Funny that whenever I ask for a sign I generally end up stepping in dog poop. Thanks to the feather Phillip knew things looked good for the Ometepe tribe. (Although I must note that Phillip failed to properly pronounce his former tribe name despite getting two attempts. Apparently he spent a little too much time with Ralph)
The challenge was a three level challenge in which players would be eliminated after each round. The first round required digging up a club in the sand. Once they untied the club the first six to smash a tile (and not kill or maim Jeff in the process) would move on to the next round. Those six would then have to stick their heads in a trough of water, take a gulp in their mouths, crawl under the trough and then spit the water out into a tube. This was gross and not all that enjoyable to watch. The three winners would then compete in the final challenge where they would have to complete a block puzzle. Grant, Mike and David made the finals and it was Grant that was victorious and won immunity.
When they headed back to camp Rob and his followers went for a little beach time. Meanwhile Mike was convinced that the tribe flagpole had been moved and came to the conclusion that an immunity idol was hidden underneath. So he and David began to dig. Rob spotted them from the beach and made a beeline back to camp. Then Rob and Phillip began to dig. Ultimately there was nothing there, but Rob was still worried that another immunity idol was somewhere in play.
TC was again an us versus them affair. Since Rob’s control was so solid there was no question that it was Mike or David going home. So Phillip decided he would steal the show. Again with his feather in place Phillip declared that he had been visited by his great-great-grandfather in his dreams. This was such a magnificent moment that I would like to see it run over and over again. Apparently gramps told Phillip how great and wonderful he was and that mad Phillip supremely confident. David told Phillip that he was clearly on the bottom of the Ometepe tribe to which Phillip replied “I enjoy it on the bottom”. This made me laugh for several reasons and did ultimately become my personal favorite line of the night full of classics.
Ralph spoke openly about how he wanted a feather, but Phillip told him no. Why can’t poor Ralph have a feather? Well apparently “It takes courage and determination and knowing when to hold your tongue to get a feather”. I really had no idea it was so complicated to find a feather and neither did Ralph. Poor guy looked so dejected after Phillip told him that. When the votes were cast it was Mike sent off to join Matt at RI.
The next day we were treated to another immunity challenge, but what had happened to RI? Wasn’t Mike going to battle Matt & God? No! The loser of this challenge would also head to RI to battle Mike and Matt & God. One would think the smart money would go on the almighty, but one never knows when he/she wants to prove a point by losing.
This challenge actually came with a choice: eat or participate. Over on the table was a platter full of delicious looking cheeseburgers taunting the contestants,. The challenge was to hang on a bar for 20 minutes using whatever means possible, but after the 20 minute mark it would be hang by your legs only until the end. (I was really missing that one legged girl from last season at this point) As soon as Jeff announced the challenge I knew two things:
1. It was going to be won by a woman and
2. That woman would not be Julie the shriveled apple faced she-male. (On a side note I have to say that while Julie may be a lovely person she is certainly frightening to look at. Perhaps she and Shambo could get a reality show together)
To me that meant that the Ometepe men should all eat burgers, but only Phillip chose not to play. Of the Zapatera men it was Steve that realized he had no chance to be competitive and chose to eat as well, but that was it. A huge stack of burgers for just two guys. I’ve had dreams similar to Phillip’s dream when I was visited by a great-great cheeseburger and he told me I was great and wonderful too. This reminded me of that dream. Just me and my great-great cheeseburger sitting at a table with a stack of burgers. Unfortunately for great-great cheeseburger he always meets his demise in that dream. Sad.
As predicted the Rob, Grant Ralph and Julie all went very quickly leaving David to fend for himself against a trio of hotties. I have to say that seeing three young and attractive women (all with magnificent butts) hanging on a pole was pretty cool. Having David there? Not so much, but it was fun listening to him and Phillip go at it a few times. Phillip did his best to let the girls know that David was hanging by a thread. As it was, when David fell into the water below and was eliminated he had great difficulty walking. His left leg was a mess and he really did turn blue. It was kind of freaky. Andrea asked the other girls to let her win and they did securing Andrea immunity, as if she really needed it.
When they arrived back at camp Ralph checked the fishing net and found it loaded with fish. Rob came over and told him the fish were not good to eat as rigor mortis had already set in. I don't recall who said it now, but I distinctly heard someone say that they would not eat dead fish. Excuse me, but isn't that the whole point? Don't you want to eat dead fish instead of having them flop around on your plate? Rob forbade his Ometepe followers from partaking in the fish, but Grant went against The Don and tried a little nibble. Rob called Grant back and scolded him and told him to kiss his ring. Rob seriously has all of these people under some sort of mind control. I'll bet Amber is sitting at home watching this with her plethora of stuffed animals and is wondering if she has been under some sort of spell as well.
At TC we knew it was Steve or David going home and Rob flirted with the idea of sending Steve home as a mercy vote since he was so weak. But before they could vote Phillip, feather and all, had to reveal to all the Stealth R Us plan he had hatched and mentioned a few weeks ago. It was utterly amazing watching this deranged guy babble and endlessly entertaining. For the record the Stealth R Us crew includes:
- Rob - The Mentalist. He handles all the strategy.
- Grant - The Assassin & Destroyer of Aspirations
- Phillip - The Specialist
- The Girls - The Three Degrees
Please do not ask me to explain all of that because no one except Phillip really understands it. Anyway, Ralph had a good line a tribal when he asked Phillip if his great-grandpa told him to eat cheeseburgers instead of participating in the challenge. Funny stuff.
In the end the it was David that was voted out despite his lame attempt to get his one vote for Rob to count as four. So now we have Matt (and God), Mike and David all at RI awaiting the next challenge. Will two be eliminated or just one? When will this player return to the game? The mysteries lie ahead and I cannot wait.
Until next week my friends...
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