Survivor: South Pacific: Get on your Knees
I finally have it figured out. I know why there are tsunamis, earthquakes, teabaggers and other natural disasters. I know why there is cancer, muscular
dystrophy, Herman Cain and other diseases. It’s because God does not care about
those things as he/she is all consumed with Survivor. God cannot be bothered
with starvation and poverty because he/she loves listening to Coach tell him/her
that he is not worthy. (On a side note is it okay for God to call Coach
Benjamin? Just asking.) God has to watch Survivor as it has now become a
weekly prayer meeting for the Upolu tribe. God must really love game shows set
in tropical climates. I’m sorry, but if God is truly interested in whether or
not Upolu wins a challenge then we have some serious issues upstairs. More on
this insanity later.
Our episode begins right off with Christine and the
lovely Mikayla at the Redemption Island challenge. Each contestant had to take
apart a crate, use the planks to make a bridge and then take some of those
planks and complete a puzzle. Despite a valiant effort by Mikayla to come from
behind, she was unable to put the puzzle together correctly and Christine was
able to win her fifth straight RI challenge. Some important things we should
remember here:
• Christine and Mikayla came from the same tribe.
• Albert was clearly rooting for and attempting to assist Mikayla
• Sophie and Albert were both disappointed when Christine won.
• Brandon must have been doing cartwheels when he learned his sexual nemesis was defeated
• Christine has beaten everyone on RI. She is a savvy player and it was a big mistake voting her off first.
This is where things got a little strange for me. And no, I am not talking about watching Coach perform Tai Chi in the water while continually babbling “Father, I am not worthy”. Frankly that’s true, but I find it hard to believe Coach was honestly being that humble. Anyway, Ozzy returned from the duel to tell Cochran of his wild plan to get himself voted out so he could go and defeat Christine at RI. Was Ozzy not paying attention? There is no love lost between Christine and her old tribe. Ozzy seems to assume that Christine will go running right back to Upolu and everything will be hunky dunky. I highly doubt that she will. Despite the fact that Christine did not have an itchy nose this time she has clearly been on the outs with her tribe since day one. They don’t want her winning so for Ozzy to go there with the idea of defeating her is kind of stupid. However, it sounded brilliant to Cochran and he went with it. Anything to get one more day for the 98 pound weakling.
Meanwhile, once Coach finished his Tai Chi he had a vision. He quoted something about putting a bullet in someone’s head and “kill or be killed”, but that’s all typical babbling from Coach. Coach decided that he needed to bring his tribe of six some sort of pick me up and the best way to do that is to find the hidden immunity idol which Coach already found. So Coach had to come up with a way to pretend to find it so as to not have Brandon and the others that he had not already told learn that he had it. Thus a prayer meeting was called and a bogus prayer went up to God asking for the ability to find the already found idol. Got all that? So not only are they wasting their time with foolish prayers to begin with, now they are asking for God to help them find something they already have. It’s all a show for Brandon, of course, who has his own unique way of praying. Honestly, can the guy possibly say “father” any more than he does when he prays? This is not a direct quote, but it went something like this:
“Oh father we love you father we thank you father you are our father and father you are great and father we thank you father and father we give you the glory father and we thank you father for this idol father”
You get the idea. I should tell you that the all time greatest prayers I have ever heard came from the chaplain at my college. His name was Glenn and he could pray the pants off anyone around him. The man had a gift. If I could somehow recreate those prayers for you now I would, but writing it out would not do them justice. You had to be there.
Anyway while Coach & Sophie were off pretending to look for the idol they found tree mail. When they brought back two surprises Brandon about went nuts. He
was ecstatic. He never bothered to ask Coach where or how he found the idol,
which seemed a bit odd, but he was happy and started praying some more. The
tree mail instructed them to pair up and to put on matching war paint. Brandon
took this a little too far and even painted on a blue bikini top on himself.
And yes, it was as creepy as it sounds.
***************Warning****Blatant product placement ahead*******************
The winners of the challenge would get immunity and a trip to the Survivor Cinema to watch Jack & Jill starring Adam Sandler. I’m sorry, did I hear that correctly? The winners have to go watch a film where Adam Sandler plays a set of twins named Jack & Jill? Shouldn’t that be the losers? Why should the winners be forced to sit through that? I have seen the trailers for that film and it looks awful. It certainly appears that it would not be enjoyed by anyone over the age of ten. Since I have a young one and he thought it looked funny I think I know what I am talking about. If this challenge did not include immunity I don’t know that I’d even try.
The challenge was of the classic blindfold/yell/bang your head/blame each other type. Two members from each tribe would be the callers and help getting the other members attached to the lead rope. The other two pairs would take turns getting attached to the rope and then go through obstacles to grab bags containing masks. At the end they would have to group the masks together in pairs by touch only. Are you getting the connection to Jack & Jill yet? I love these challenges because they always end up with lots of people hitting their heads and other body parts into obstacles while the callers try to out scream each other. Also, the sight of Whitney blindfolded in a bikini brings to my several fantasies, but let’s not get into that here.
We would learn during this challenge that Cochran either has no ability
to unhook one pair from a rope and hook up another or absolutely hates the idea
of sitting through an Adam Sandler film. Whatever it was he took the wrath of
Ozzy for losing the challenge. That was of course after Ozzy through another
temper tantrum and tried to do some kung fu kicks on the wall. That was great,
but even better when they showed it again in slow motion.
As Upolu won the challenge Coach began yelling “Get down on your knees” which was probably the last thing anyone would want to hear from Coach. The creepiness of that did not get past me, but then I realized that Coach wanted them all on their knees to pray to thank God for helping them win the challenge and getting to watch a crappy movie. I don’t think I’ve ever felt the necessity to thank God for getting to see a lousy film. Through all these prayer meetings I noticed that Sophie seemed less than enthused with it all, but she went along just to be a part of the tribe. I’m pretty sure a whole lot of Christians do the same thing even if they are not stuck on an island with Coach and a Hantz.
So it was off to the cinema where there was plenty of candy, hot dogs, nachos and soda. I can only imagine what all that junk food does to ones system after
dining on hardly anything for weeks. I imagine a few trips to bathroom were
inevitable and not just to get away from the movie. Brandon laughed like a
child at the film (no surprise there) while Coach got himself some screen time
by talking about how he is a big Adam Sandler fan and loved the film. Please
remind me never to go to Coach for movie recommendations.
Back at Savaii Ozzy was upset and everyone started pointing fingers at Cochran. Then they started talking up his ability to be strong and defeat Christine at RI. Again, I think they are all delusional. First, Cochran at full strength could probably not defeat Christine at anything but chess and being nerdy and I doubt that either of those are in the challenge ahead. Second, have they not been paying attention to how much Christine despises her own tribe? She will very likely become your ally should she get back in the game.
Again, I want to reiterate how much I am against the whole Redemption Island aspect of the game. I still think that when you are voted out it is final and you are done. That is substantially more dramatic. However, the idea of Cochran facing off against Christine is comedic and should be enjoyed by all. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop the clock! Ozzy had a dream!
Yes, Ozzy had a dream that the merge was forthcoming and he was needed at RI to defeat Christine. So he went to the tribe and told them that he wanted to be sent to RI and would give his immunity idol to Cochran for safe keeping. This is undeniably stupid. Never, never, never give your immunity idol to someone else. Never. Is there a guarantee that Cochran will return it? No. I wouldn’t. That baby would go right into my pocket. The tribe, particularly Keith, was not totally sold on this plan. Well, Cochran was pleased. In fact he was overjoyed and I cannot blame him.
At TC Ozzy revealed his plan to Jeff and Jeff seemed perplexed. What if the merge is not coming up? What if you lose to Christine? What if you beat Christine, but then your tribe goes out and loses and is then down in numbers? This was a bold move and while it remains to be seen if it works it certainly was interesting to see. In the end, Ozzy handed the idol over to Cochran after a brief joke about keeping it that almost killed poor Cochran. Ozzy was then voted out by his entire tribe and ran to RI with a zest that had not been seen in him yet this season. It’s almost as if he had wanted to go there from the beginning. He had a plan to tell Christine that Cochran had found the idol and used it and that’s what got him sent there. Smart way to handle it, yes, but again I cannot see the sense in ever getting yourself voluntarily sent to RI.
Whatever happens next week will certainly be exciting and you can stop back right here to read all about it.
• Christine and Mikayla came from the same tribe.
• Albert was clearly rooting for and attempting to assist Mikayla
• Sophie and Albert were both disappointed when Christine won.
• Brandon must have been doing cartwheels when he learned his sexual nemesis was defeated
• Christine has beaten everyone on RI. She is a savvy player and it was a big mistake voting her off first.
This is where things got a little strange for me. And no, I am not talking about watching Coach perform Tai Chi in the water while continually babbling “Father, I am not worthy”. Frankly that’s true, but I find it hard to believe Coach was honestly being that humble. Anyway, Ozzy returned from the duel to tell Cochran of his wild plan to get himself voted out so he could go and defeat Christine at RI. Was Ozzy not paying attention? There is no love lost between Christine and her old tribe. Ozzy seems to assume that Christine will go running right back to Upolu and everything will be hunky dunky. I highly doubt that she will. Despite the fact that Christine did not have an itchy nose this time she has clearly been on the outs with her tribe since day one. They don’t want her winning so for Ozzy to go there with the idea of defeating her is kind of stupid. However, it sounded brilliant to Cochran and he went with it. Anything to get one more day for the 98 pound weakling.
Meanwhile, once Coach finished his Tai Chi he had a vision. He quoted something about putting a bullet in someone’s head and “kill or be killed”, but that’s all typical babbling from Coach. Coach decided that he needed to bring his tribe of six some sort of pick me up and the best way to do that is to find the hidden immunity idol which Coach already found. So Coach had to come up with a way to pretend to find it so as to not have Brandon and the others that he had not already told learn that he had it. Thus a prayer meeting was called and a bogus prayer went up to God asking for the ability to find the already found idol. Got all that? So not only are they wasting their time with foolish prayers to begin with, now they are asking for God to help them find something they already have. It’s all a show for Brandon, of course, who has his own unique way of praying. Honestly, can the guy possibly say “father” any more than he does when he prays? This is not a direct quote, but it went something like this:
“Oh father we love you father we thank you father you are our father and father you are great and father we thank you father and father we give you the glory father and we thank you father for this idol father”
You get the idea. I should tell you that the all time greatest prayers I have ever heard came from the chaplain at my college. His name was Glenn and he could pray the pants off anyone around him. The man had a gift. If I could somehow recreate those prayers for you now I would, but writing it out would not do them justice. You had to be there.
Anyway while Coach & Sophie were off pretending to look for the idol they found tree mail. When they brought back two surprises Brandon about went nuts. He
***************Warning****Blatant product placement ahead*******************
The winners of the challenge would get immunity and a trip to the Survivor Cinema to watch Jack & Jill starring Adam Sandler. I’m sorry, did I hear that correctly? The winners have to go watch a film where Adam Sandler plays a set of twins named Jack & Jill? Shouldn’t that be the losers? Why should the winners be forced to sit through that? I have seen the trailers for that film and it looks awful. It certainly appears that it would not be enjoyed by anyone over the age of ten. Since I have a young one and he thought it looked funny I think I know what I am talking about. If this challenge did not include immunity I don’t know that I’d even try.
The challenge was of the classic blindfold/yell/bang your head/blame each other type. Two members from each tribe would be the callers and help getting the other members attached to the lead rope. The other two pairs would take turns getting attached to the rope and then go through obstacles to grab bags containing masks. At the end they would have to group the masks together in pairs by touch only. Are you getting the connection to Jack & Jill yet? I love these challenges because they always end up with lots of people hitting their heads and other body parts into obstacles while the callers try to out scream each other. Also, the sight of Whitney blindfolded in a bikini brings to my several fantasies, but let’s not get into that here.
As Upolu won the challenge Coach began yelling “Get down on your knees” which was probably the last thing anyone would want to hear from Coach. The creepiness of that did not get past me, but then I realized that Coach wanted them all on their knees to pray to thank God for helping them win the challenge and getting to watch a crappy movie. I don’t think I’ve ever felt the necessity to thank God for getting to see a lousy film. Through all these prayer meetings I noticed that Sophie seemed less than enthused with it all, but she went along just to be a part of the tribe. I’m pretty sure a whole lot of Christians do the same thing even if they are not stuck on an island with Coach and a Hantz.
So it was off to the cinema where there was plenty of candy, hot dogs, nachos and soda. I can only imagine what all that junk food does to ones system after
Back at Savaii Ozzy was upset and everyone started pointing fingers at Cochran. Then they started talking up his ability to be strong and defeat Christine at RI. Again, I think they are all delusional. First, Cochran at full strength could probably not defeat Christine at anything but chess and being nerdy and I doubt that either of those are in the challenge ahead. Second, have they not been paying attention to how much Christine despises her own tribe? She will very likely become your ally should she get back in the game.
Again, I want to reiterate how much I am against the whole Redemption Island aspect of the game. I still think that when you are voted out it is final and you are done. That is substantially more dramatic. However, the idea of Cochran facing off against Christine is comedic and should be enjoyed by all. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop the clock! Ozzy had a dream!
Yes, Ozzy had a dream that the merge was forthcoming and he was needed at RI to defeat Christine. So he went to the tribe and told them that he wanted to be sent to RI and would give his immunity idol to Cochran for safe keeping. This is undeniably stupid. Never, never, never give your immunity idol to someone else. Never. Is there a guarantee that Cochran will return it? No. I wouldn’t. That baby would go right into my pocket. The tribe, particularly Keith, was not totally sold on this plan. Well, Cochran was pleased. In fact he was overjoyed and I cannot blame him.
At TC Ozzy revealed his plan to Jeff and Jeff seemed perplexed. What if the merge is not coming up? What if you lose to Christine? What if you beat Christine, but then your tribe goes out and loses and is then down in numbers? This was a bold move and while it remains to be seen if it works it certainly was interesting to see. In the end, Ozzy handed the idol over to Cochran after a brief joke about keeping it that almost killed poor Cochran. Ozzy was then voted out by his entire tribe and ran to RI with a zest that had not been seen in him yet this season. It’s almost as if he had wanted to go there from the beginning. He had a plan to tell Christine that Cochran had found the idol and used it and that’s what got him sent there. Smart way to handle it, yes, but again I cannot see the sense in ever getting yourself voluntarily sent to RI.
Whatever happens next week will certainly be exciting and you can stop back right here to read all about it.
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