Survivor: South Pacific: The Cult of Coach

Why the producers of Survivor insist on subjecting us to Redemption Island I have no idea.  For now we are stuck with Jim whining about their lament, Keith standing around looking stupid and Ozzy desperately trying not to say I told you so while simultaneously actually saying I told you so.  Ozzy is both a moron and an oxymoron. 

As Te Tuna returned to camp, Coach made a point of telling Whitney & Dawn that they had nothing to worry about and he was worried about Albert plotting something against him.  Now why Coach chose to lie to them I had no idea.  Seriously, he had been saying ever since the merge that they would be picking off the old Savaii one by one so why did they have nothing to worry about?  I’ll give Whitney credit, for once, because she noted that most of Upolu would never get to the finals with Coach.  She could not believe how “smart people could be so stupid”.  This coming from a girl that not only sings country music, but has ruined her beautiful body with a bunch of big, ridiculous looking tattoos and some blotchy looking black thing on her wrist. 

Can anyone think of anything more fascinating than the sight of Coach teaching Tai Chi to Cochran on the beach?  It was hilarious as Coach did some actual coaching for a change and watching Cochran try his hand at Tai Chi was just priceless.  Please bring this back next week.  In fact, give these two their own reality show and call it Cochran and the Dumbass.

At the RI duel we saw what appeared to be a very painful endurance challenge.  Each contestant had to balance a pole on the backs of their hands against a board a few feet above their heads.  The last

one standing stayed in the game while the other two became the first members of the jury.  Brandon, for reasons unknown, started rooting for Jim while Whitney threw her support to Keith.  Jeff asked if anyone was rooting for Ozzy and that question was met with silence.  Jim faltered first followed by Keith thus sending Ozzy back to RI all alone.  Jim was hoping there was some sort of “Secret Double Redemption Island”, but no.  Jeff told him he was done for good this time.  (Note to Jim: shut up and quit giving the producers more dumb ideas)  Now if there was Double Secret Probation on the island I’d be okay with that. 

In another poor acting moment, Ozzy explains to all about how happy he is to be in his own element at RI and is thrilled to be going back.  Sure he is.  He may talk about no stress and plentiful food supplies, but the guy is not there to catch fish & climb trees.  He is there to win a million bucks.  Trust me when I say he wants to be back at camp so he can fight for victory.  Well, Ozzy went off and got himself up a tree and then caught some more fish.  I do not eat fish, but I wonder if it all tastes the same.  It’s not like he can marinate it or put on some seasonings so does it matter which fish he catches?  What if he got a poison fish?  That would suck.  For Ozzy I guess, but not for us.

The immunity challenge was one that favored the ladies due to its need for balance, but even so it came down to Sophie, Dawn and Brandon at the end.  The challenge required contestants to balance a bowl of rice on their heads, walk across two teeter totters and then dump the rice into a basket.  Once that basket was full enough to tip and raise the flag we would have a winner.  Sophie went all out in a challenge that Dawn had to win and in the end her strategy paid off and Sophie won immunity.  Jeff informed them that they would be getting a twist at TC that night and I prepared for the worst; Secret Double Redemption Island.

Back at camp Albert brought up the idea of making a bold move.  He wanted to get rid of Edna and he appeared to have Cochran on board along with Dawn and Whitney.  However, he still needed one more and he went to Sophie.  She was not totally sold on the plan, but it did make sense.  If Coach can manage to get himself to the finals who would he most want to be there with him?  Edna for one, Cochran for the other.  Cochran would certainly not get any Savaii votes and Edna should not get a vote from anyone since her game plan the whole time was stick her head as far up the ass off Coach.  Or he could take Cowboy Guy.  I never see him and I’m not sure he can talk. 

But Coach stops this from ever happening by threatening his tribe.  Like Coach said before, he was not all that trusting of Albert so he pulled everyone together to stop anything form ever happening.  He told his tribe that voting against the original fine would mean “instant death” This seemingly scared the crap out of everyone and by the time they got to TC the “vote Edna” campaign was over.  We did see the jury so thankfully Jim did not inspire Secret Double Redemption Island just yet. 

Jeff spoke to Cochran at TC about making a big move to extend his stay in the game and Cochran just wilted at the question.  Coach was pressed about being the team leader and he denied any such implication despite the fact that for some bizarre reason Coach has been allowed to run things since day one.  This tribe was less than thrilled to see the arrival of Coach and no one would have blamed them for voting him out immediately, but somehow Coach has stuck around.  The time has come to make a big move and that move needs to be getting rid of Coach.  Why are these people so stupid? 

Dawn and Whitney voted for Edna, but everyone else went for Dawn (except Brandon who accidentally voted for Don) and she was sent to RI.

The twist was another immunity challenge.  Jeff would ask questions that everyone should have learned prior to getting to the island.  Each contestant had an answer cube and it was clear from the beginning that only Whitney & Sophie were paying attention back at Survivor school.  Whitney desperately needed immunity, but a wrong answer sent her packing.  Well, off to RI to stay with Dawn and Ozzy and face off against them at a later time. 

If things go the way they should this will be the last duel on RI.  It’s time to bring whatever player back to the game so they can once again be quickly voted off for good.  Then it will be time for Cochran to show us what he is made of, team up with Albert and figure out a way to get rid of Coach.  That is their only hope.  It’s going to be tough to get Edna’s head out of his ass though.