Survivor Nicaragua: 100% Grade A Dirt Squirrel
Before I get too far in today’s Survivor blog I need to take a moment to wish a very happy birthday to my sister Lynda, the Duchess of Palmetto. Now that we have taken care of that let’s move forward.
Last nights episode of Survivor was not one of my favorites this season, but it certainly did have its moments and what had to be two of my favorite all time Survivor lines. We start though at the beginning when one tribe got a key and the other got a trunk. This could only mean one thing and that one thing is merge. So our friends at La Flor trekked over to Espada where hugs and love ensued. It would not last long.
The trunk was opened and they found food & liquor, which Fabio felt they should drink all at once. They had new red buffs and needed a new team name. Marty decided that the new name should be Libertad, which meant liberty according to Marty. Since Marty had been known for telling us tennis players were really chess masters I decided to look it up. According to Wikipedia it is the Spanish word for freedom, so I guess we’ll give him this one. As they raided the food NaOnka took it upon herself to stuff peanuts in her top, which just did not seem right to me. Later, when she was giving a little interview, she decided to fart for the camera. What a treat she is.
The next morning, NaOnka went completely bonkers because people were eating the tortillas she made for them and taking “big ass bites”. That left her with the smallest tortilla (which makes no sense, why not just make yourself a bigger one or eat more peanuts out of your ass?) and made her crazy. So naturally the only thing to do was bury the flour. Yep. Bury the flour. But since that was not enough for our terror of a PE teacher she decided to bury the pan and the fruit as well. Do you ever wonder what kind of psychological exams they give these people before they let them on the show? Do you think they got results for NaOnka and it said certifiably insane and the producers realized they had a gift from the Survivor gods?
About this time we had an altogether too brief shot of Kelly sunning herself on the beach. I just need to mention this for a few reasons:
1. She looked incredible.
2. Except for a brief shot of her failing miserably at the challenge it was pretty much the only time we saw her.
3. Have you seen those legs?
Back at Libertad Fabio realized that stuff was missing and NaOnka was the one they figured was guilty of the crime thanks to Holly having witnessed her putting the flour in her bag. Fabio was going nuts trying to figure out why she would have put the flour in her bag, but NaOnka was swearing up and down that she had nothing to do with anything disappearing. Well, a little while later NaOnka fesses up and may have sealed her fate. Not tonight, because we are dealing with a lot of stupid people here, but eventually.
At the immunity challenge Jeff had an immunity necklace for two. Well, he had one for the men and one for the women meaning that two people would have immunity at tribal. The challenge was a test of endurance. They had to hold a metal rod over a tile with these two things keeping pressure on it lest it fall and break the tile. Got that? Well, our fair Kelly lasted about two seconds and useless Dan last about 2.1 seconds, but Jane and Fabio outlasted them all and won immunity. Jane even kept playing after she won so she could say she beat all the men as well, which she did.
Back at camp the battle began to see who would be voted out. Jane wanted Marty gone now, but Sash said they could not go with Marty since he had promised him he’d keep him safe at the next tribal council if he was in trouble. Frankly, that is just dumb, but then again look who we’re dealing with. Jane made a feeble attempt to get the idol away from Sash for safekeeping so he would not have to feel guilty and not technically be going back on his word. However, Sash would not give it up. Shocking.
So useless Dan asked Chase what was going on and he said either Marty or Alina, since pretty much everyone decided they hated Alina. Useless Dan immediately realized he had to tell Marty what was going on, which made Marty so angry his hair stood on end. No, wait…Marty’s hair always stands on end. Marty started playing hard to stay in the game, as was Alina, but only Marty confronted Holly and demanded that she give him the “South Dakota Word of Honor” that she would not vote him out. I have to say that I am not the least bit familiar with the SDWoH, but I will tell you that it amused me. Probably more than it amused me that Jane & Chase bonded over being from North Carolina and having accents. If Chase does go over to Jane’s house I do think that in itself would be a fun reality show. Sorry, back to the SDWoH. If any of my South Dakota readers can explain that one to me I’d appreciate it.
So they went off to Tribal Council and Marty declared himself to be bonkers when he attacked Jane. NaOnka was singled out for her thievery and stayed just as wacky as ever. Alina continued to make a plea to stay in the game by selling herself short and saying she was no threat at all. I had a feeling there was no way this would work, but for crying out loud why not? She put herself out there as a pawn and she technically was. Oh you stupid people. Pretty much everyone else was ignored, but that’s okay because Benry was able to use the line of the night after he had written down Alina’s name: Benry told Alina she was “a 100% grade A dirt squirrel”. I love that line albeit I admit to having no idea what that really means.
Alina was voted out with little fanfare and she wished them well even though she should have told them they were idiots before walking away. Alina became the first member of the jury and we will get to see how she cleans up next week when it appears that Jeff will finally be all fed up with Naonka.
Stay thirsty my friends.
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