Survivor Nicaragua: Burning Down the Camp
Last night’s episode of Survivor had a little of everything plus we finally got some Kelly time. What a joy that was, although at tribal council we learned exactly why Jeff never asks her any questions, but as usual I am getting ahead of myself.
The show began with Holly coming to the conclusion that Brenda is dangerous. Took her a while, but it was about time that somebody realized who was calling all the shots. Holly took the time to let Jane and NaOnka know this and even told Benry that “Kelly Purple crawls right up Brenda ass”. As much as I love the sight of a lovely butt on a pretty girl I cannot imagine I would really enjoy seeing this and I certainly do not want to experience it personally. Sir Griffin must draw the line somewhere. In any case, it appeared early on that Holly was getting her point across. This came as a bit of a surprise since she once drowned an expensive pair of shoes and wanted to quit the game after only five days.
As everyone prepared to head off to the reward challenge we got to see how genius these people really are this season. Since it was raining and they did not want the fire to go out they decided to protect it. Unfortunately no one realized that surrounding the fire with wooden crates and putting wood planks across the top of a fire was a bad idea. Let’s think about this for just a second. You could let it rain on your fire and start a new one or you could put flammable items as close to the fire as possible and hope for the best. Tough call, but I think I know what choice I’d have made. By the time the tribe returned from the reward challenge the crates were completely gone as was all the food that was inside of them. The inferno also melted glass, as Dan noted, and destroyed the machetes and melted a good portion of the tarp. I loved seeing it all since you know I am a big fan of schadenfreude.
But before the tribe ever saw the results of their stupidity they had a challenge to take care of first. The tribe was split in two teams of five, one yellow and one blue, and then given four barrels, some planks and some rope. They had to cross an area without ever touching the ground. Should anyone fall they would all be sent back to the beginning. Now while watching this I could not figure out why they would need the rope and neither team used it so I am guessing they had no idea how to use it either. The blue team triumphed easily over yellow without ever using the rope and only using three of the four barrels. Jeff berated the yellow team mercilessly during and after the challenge. He had some of the best lines of the week. My personal favorite was when he said “the yellow team has made very little progress in this challenge. If this were life or death, you’d be dead”. Clearly someone has also crawled up Jeff’s butt to make him strike out like that. Jeff usually just gives a play by play and leaves the commentary to a minimum, but he was gold this week. As Benry did a back flip off the yellow barrel he was on Jeff called his flip “the ceremonial loser dismount”. Brilliant!
The winning blue team took off in a helicopter to visit a volcano and take a wooden sled ride down the side of it. Thankfully Kelly was a part of the winning team for a change so we got to see her slide. Not as sexy as one would like, but hot nonetheless. It was an active volcano after all. After the slide they were treated to some pizza, brownies and soda. Fabio, in his endlessly entertaining way, wanted to know what was going on so NaOnka took him aside on the volcano and told him about the evil Brenda. Now, at this point I was not sure yet that NaOnka had completely turned on her old pal Brenda, but then again she would have to turn on her eventually so why not now?
The immunity challenge this week was one on endurance. Remember a few years ago when those endurance things could go one for hours and Jeff would taunt people with food to quit and girls would take their tops off for him? Well, those days are done my friends. The endurance challenges seem to be set in such a way now that no one can stand to do them for an extended period of time. So last night we had a great one for Dan and his knees. (How is this guy still in the game with those knees?) Everyone had to stand on a plank and hold on to a rope at an angle. After five minutes they would have to move down a knot and so on. So this was unlikely to last long, but then again if you let go of the rope you’d fall into what appeared to be the same pool of water that Fabio relieved himself in a few weeks ago. I am pretty sure they did not change the water. While Dan did last a little longer than I expected he was gone fairly quickly along with everyone except for Jane & Chance. Jane said her hands hurt and was ready to quit. Jeff heard her say this and he yelled at her. “Don’t you dare give up on this challenge” he said to her, at which point I am sure Chase was wondering how much money he had bet on Jane. Jane hung in there and while Chase said he was fine, he did not last much longer and into the water he went leaving Jane with immunity.
Back at camp the talk was all about Brenda. Then it was about Benry. Then Chase figured he would play every possible side he could and went and told Brenda everything that was going on. Brenda did not scramble, as she so eloquently stated at tribal council a few hours later, but she did attempt to stay in the game as best as she could. Chase did not want to vote for her, but Holly had somehow worked her magic and had at least five willing to pluck her like a chicken that night.
At tribal we had the lovely Alina joined by Marty in the jury and I just had to wonder what Marty thought when he saw his hair after getting booted last week. He had certainly fixed that crazed troll doll mess after what was probably a nice shower, decent sleep and a few good meals. Meanwhile our castaways bickered as usual, well, it was mostly Brenda this time as I am not sure that Fabio or Dan ever said a word. However, Jeff finally asked Kelly a question point blank. She looked completely shocked that Jeff called on her and then she screwed up. I still am not sure exactly what she said, but it was out there and made no sense. It was kind of like Miss Teen South Carolina a few years ago, but not nearly as bad. I have to wonder what it must be like to be gorgeous and have just about everything handed to you. You can get away with so much. She did mention something to the effect that she had no idea what was going on which seemed like a bit of an understatement at the time. Anyway, Jeff seemed to regret asking her anything at all and moved on. Brenda tried to save herself by attacking NaOnka and the others, but all that seemed to do was tighten the grip everyone had on her. Still, her confidence was telling me that she had something up her bikini top. Had her buddy Sash given her the immunity idol to use so they could get rid of someone else and essentially take charge again? Well that is what I expected to happen, but no. When Jeff asked for the idol not one showed up so the votes were read. Kelly seemed to have gotten some old Intel and voted for Benry and Brenda voted for NaOnka, but that was it. The rest of the votes shockingly went to Brenda. Sash, her pal, voted for her. Chase, who was campaigning hard for the ouster of Benry and told her everything voted for her. It was a stunning change of events as far as I was concerned. Who is taking charge now? It appears Sash is out next if all falls in place the way Holly wants it. Is Holly the new Don of this tribe? We shall see.
One thing that is good is that once Brenda joins the jury next week we will get to see how she looks all cleaned up. Something tells me I am going to be impressed.
You laugh because I am different. I laugh because I just farted.
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