Survivor Nicaragua: It's Smart to Play Stupid

Good day my friends,

What can I say about Survivor this week?  Well, not a whole lot since I watched it on Wednesday night and it is now Friday afternoon.  I’m telling you the memory is not what it once was.  I do recall that we saw slightly more Kelly than usual and she looked darn good.  Oh, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly.  Why don’t they just give you your own show?

In any case, I somewhat remember the show starting with Jane complaining about Marty and Marty complaining about Jane.  I have to give Jane a leg up on this battle due to her referring to Marty as “Mr. Farty” as this is a clever nickname for the man with hair that makes him look frightened by a ghost all the time.  Our old pal NaOnka was back to her old tricks and was hating on everyone.  Fabio was clueless, Chase was wimpy and Kelly was hot. 

The first challenge involved a reward of zip lining through the jungles followed by a BBQ feast.  Who would not want to do that?  Well, other than Chase that is.  The tribe was divided into two teams with Chase being the odd man out.  Chase was given the option of choosing a team to root for and if that team won he would get to tag along.  Problem was that the random drawing of the tribes ended up with a team of all men and a team of all women.  Now being that the challenge was very physical and involved busting through a wall of hay, a wall of sticks and a wall of bricks (apparently this was the Three Little Pigs challenge) before opening some locks one would think that going with the men would be the prudent choice.  Oh, but not our boy Chase.  Chase decided to go with the women.  Why exactly?  Well, let’s see if we can figure that out.  Chase chose to go with the women because he

1. Was not hungry.
2. Is afraid of heights.
3. Hated the idea of spending time with Marty & Dan.
4. Wanted more time with Jane.
5. Thought he had a chance to make a move on Kelly.
6. Is stupid.

Feel free to vote on which one you think is the most plausible.  The men’s team won and then our fair Kelly began to cry because she was so hungry.  Jeff asked the winners if anyone wanted to give up their spot to Kelly or any of the women.  The men proved that chivalry is indeed dead and declined as they laughed in an evil way.  If it was me on the winning team I would have definitely given up my spot to the graceful Kelly (Hey, Grace Kelly.  That’s much better than Purple Kelly.  I wonder if that’s been taken.)  I know that is easy for me to say from the comforts of home, but I know that no matter how hungry I was I would give in to a hot girl that was crying.  I hate seeing a girl cry and will do anything to get her to stop.  If that means giving up a zip line and a meal then so be it.  Superman had kryptonite and Sir Griffin has crying women.  Sad.

The zip lining looked like fun and all seemed to enjoy except for Dan.  Dan clung to the wire and made what had to be the absolutely slowest zip tour ever.  It’s not as if he had to use his knee at all, but Dan just clung on for dear life.  He noted that there are no zip lines in Brooklyn. 

The food looked good as well and I yearned to see Kelly enjoying herself, but it was not to be.  Marty had an idea.  He wanted to make it known that they were all going to vote for NaOnka to flush out the idol, but would really all vote for Jane to get rid of her.  All they would have to do is play stupid.  Fabio said that it was really easy to play stupid.  Really Fabio?  You have to play stupid? 

The next challenge was a memory game.  Jeff showed everyone a series of pictures and then they had to slowly reveal them in the correct order using a big block.  Dan showed that his knees were not the only thing slowing him down when he showed Jeff a picture of coins when in fact Jeff had never even used coins in his first puzzle.  I mean I can understand getting the order mixed up, but seriously, showing coins when they have not yet been shown to you?  Completely idiotic.  The challenge finally came down to Brenda and Marty and thankfully Brenda prevailed.

At tribal council we had the reappearance of Alina as the first member of the jury.  I have to say that Alina cleans up very well.  In fact she looked quite hot and sexy in her outfit on this night.  Having her hair washed and flowing around her face made her look outstanding.  I had misjudged her all season and now I must pay the price.  Still, Kelly is my girl.  (Hey, Kelly Girl!  That’s an idea.  I hope no one else has thought of it.)  NaOnka made a spectacle of herself as only NaOnka can do.  She said she would not apologize to anyone for who she was or how she acted, she yelled at Marty, she yelled at Fabio, she gave us all the finger and she left Jeff speechless.  What a treat that woman is.  I can see parents rushing to a school right now and withdrawing their children from her P.E. classes. 

Marty was quite arrogant all night.  He thought he was completely in charge of the whole game, but he had underestimated Brenda and Sash, who seemingly are the real ones running the roost.  It was time to vote and would it be Jane or Mr. Farty?  We first need to wait for Kelly to figure out how to get the cap off the pen.  Still waiting, but at least she is getting some screen time.  Hey, maybe she’s not that smart but she is my girl so don’t you dare say anything mean.  (My Girl?  I could write a song by that name and make a fortune.  I hope no one else has done that yet.)

Jeff was ready to reveal the votes and despite her actions NaOnka felt secure in hanging on to her immunity idol, so part one of Mr. Fart’s plan had failed.  No matter as he was looking quite smug as Jeff read the votes.  The votes had gotten up to 4-2 Jane and Mr. Farty looking as smug as ever.  Then it was 4-3, but he was still smiling. Then Jeff read the next vote and suddenly it was a 4-4 tie.  The smile dropped instantly from Mr. Farty’s face.  Had he been duped?  Certainly not he thought.  I am in charge.  Then it was 5-4 and Marty, excuse me, Mr. Farty had the look of doom on his face.  One vote later and he was officially gone.  No more Marty, no more Mr. Farty, no more hair.  Jane had won this battle and remained in the game.  And poor Fabio.  He looked as if he had no idea what was going on probably because he had no idea what was going on.  You were right Fabio, playing stupid is easy.

Experience it, enjoy it, just don’t fall for it.