Survivor Nicaragua: Fabio's Mom is Hot

Good day my friends,

Did you enjoy the next to last episode of Survivor this season?  I sure did.  Kelly looked super hot in the jury at tribal council and we learned that Fabio has a hot mom.  We also learned that Chase is a completely clueless buffoon and Jane is a big whiny baby.  But, as usual we will start at the beginning.

Naturally it was time for product placement with a phone from Sprint. It’s that time in the show where we all get a little weepy.  That’s right; it’s the messages from home.  So we knew that a family member for each of our tribe mates will be there at the rewards challenge.  Chase and Fabio had a meaningful discussion on how they both really love their mothers.  Chase promised Fabio that he would take him and Sash with him on the reward if he should win.  Now, we all know from last week’s episode that Chase honoring a promise is as rare as Sarah Palin saying something intelligent so there is no way that Fabio would believe him, right?

At the challenge we had our castaways meeting up with members of their families.  Fabio’s mom turned out to be quite attractive and Lady Gianna noted that Dan’s son was surprisingly handsome leading to rumors of adoption.  Dan’s son was also uncomfortably affectionate for his dear old dad.  Holly saw her husband, Jane saw her daughter and it was like Niagara Falls out there.  Of course, we got to see the mothers of Chase and Sash as well.

The challenge was simple: the castaways jump into the water where Fabio once relieved himself, grabbed a couple of bags of puzzle pieces and brought them back to their respective loved ones to complete.  Naturally Dan looked as though he was going to drown and his son had to be wondering why he spent so much time on a plane just to watch his dad flounder in the water.  By the time Dan fished out all the puzzle pieces everyone else had already long ago started on their puzzles.  Ultimately Chase and his mom won so he picked Sash to accompany him. Jeff said he could pick one more so naturally he picked Holly.  Holly?  Are you kidding me?  You just promised Fabio and pissed him off so much his hot mom had to calm him down.  It was a touching scene and I felt bad for young Fabio.  He gets to see his mom twice a year normally while Holly presumably lives with her husband on a daily basis.  Dan was mad too and told his son Chase was a scumbag.  (Later on he told the camera that Chase was a douche bag, but it was bleeped for reasons only known to the CBS censors)

As the alliance of three went off on their boat ride and feast, the others went back to camp angry and bitching.  Jane complained that she will not get to see her daughter when she gets home because she is leaving for college.  Jane gave up her summer with her daughter to be on Survivor.  (Note to Jane:  That was your choice.  Don’t blame Chase for that) But Jane was only beginning to be a big baby.

Chase was met back at camp by an obviously still brooding Fabio who asked the rhetorical question of “How was it”.  Chase needed to keep his mouth shut (also good advice for Sarah Palin), but instead told him it was great.  It did not matter to Chase as Fabio was the next to get unless he got immunity.  Uh oh, foreshadowing.

At the challenge each person was blindfolded and had to go under and over some obstacles, memorize a shield using only their hands and then return and put it together.  Of course there would be plenty of extra pieces available to help them mess up.  So if Dan is unable to do anything when he can see imagine how poorly he would do while blindfolded.  Well, let me tell you it was completely pathetic and laughable.  (Again, good words to describe Sarah Palin)  Fabio was victorious and then Chase and the gang had a decision to make.

When they returned to camp Chase, Holly and Sash all discussed what to do.  Initially Chase wanted to vote off Dan, but then Sash and Holly convinced him (and rightly so) that it was much more strategic to vote off Jane.  So Jane saw the three of them strategizing and came over and asked them what was going on.  Silence.  Complete silence and dumb stares.  (Must be what it is like inside Sarah Palin’s brain, if she actually has one)  They were honest with Jane and this really pissed her off.  It pissed her off so much she not only cried, but went over and dumped water on the fire, which in turn got Dan to move the fastest he has this entire season.

At tribal council we saw the luscious Kelly once again and oh my gosh she looked spectacular.  So hot on that jury.  I miss her.  Oh yes, tribal council.  Sorry.  Well, Jeff did an imitation of his mother which was utterly hilarious despite the fact that I have never met or heard his mother.  But besides that he really pushed it last night. He pushed Jane and Chase and Holly and Sash.  Jane bitched about how she thought they had an alliance and how she has never lied or backstabbed and has been, overall, a model citizen.  Interesting that she had no problem with Chase before when he was turning on people and she was the beneficiary of it.  Besides, it was apparent that Jane had clearly lost sight of where she was and why she was there.  It’s a game Jane.  You were not there to make lifelong friendships.  You were there to win the money and nothing else.  Don’t try and be high and mighty above everyone else when you knew that eventually you would have to turn on one of your own if you wanted victory.

Jeff prompted more uncomfortable silence and awkward stares by addressing Chase and his three person alliance directly on the subject.  They were revealed, in front of the jury and everyone else, to be a three person alliance dead set on eliminating the rest.  At this point one would think that Fabio, Jane and Dan would form their own alliance and fight it out until the end.  It was there for the taking.  Since they knew Chase and Sash both had immunity idols and this was the last night to use them that they would do so and be immune.  That left Holly.  All the three of them had to do was vote for Holly and force a 3-3 tie.  This seemed obvious to me, but then I forgot that we are dealing with some very dumb people here.  Dan and Fabio also voted for Jane and essentially cut their own throats unless they could win immunity.  (Dan winning immunity?  I just made myself laugh) Even Jane failed to vote for Holly!  She voted for Sash who she knew had an idol he was going to use.  In the end, Jane received five votes and was sent packing.  She will be a very bitter and angry woman on that jury, whether just or not.

The season finale is on Sunday night.  Who will be the Sole Survivor? Dan the immobile, Chase the promise maker, Sash the skeleton, Holly the shoe killer or Fabio?  Place your bets now my friends and we shall see what happens on Sunday night.  It should be a bang up finale and our last chance to see Kelly this season.   See you then.