Survivor Redemption Island: The Gorilla & the Lion
 |
| Andrea |
If it was not clear to you in episode one, it most certainly has to be clear that Phillip is certifiably bonkers. Boston Rob and Russell, the self proclaimed greatest Survivor player ever, have quickly been upstaged by a former special agent (?) in droopy, fuchsia underwear. We even got Philip to explain his tattoos, but we’ll get to that in a bit.
Our episode began with the Ometepe tribe returning from tribal council. Phillip quickly took Rob aside and told him that Rob owns his vote until he is sent to Redemption Island. Great idea Phillip. Go ahead and give Rob even more power and stamp his ticket to the final three now. Rob already has his little band of beauties (and that other guy) obeying his every command so go ahead and toss your hat in the ring as well Phillip.
Phillip seemed a little too excited to get to Redemption Island, but it seems that he wanted to go there for no other reason than to face his “nemesis” Francesca. Well Francesca is hardly an even match for Phillip, but I think putting those two on an island together and filming that show would be fantastic. We did get our first look at RI and by all accounts it seemed pleasant enough, but I wonder who was the most bored; Francesca or the crew filming her.
I’ll get to Zapatera in a moment, but I need to get back to the fun at Ometepe. The next morning Phillip (who only stated that he was once a special agent 600 times as opposed to last week’s 2000) was dressed in what can only be described as the opposite of tighty whities; the aforementioned droopy fuchsia drawers. I am guessing that this will be his main outfit for the duration of the show which will provide endless fodder for not only me, but his entire tribe. Phillip went hunting for crabs. (I suppose I could make a joke here about hunting for crabs in his droopy undies, but that’s too crude even for me) One can only hope that as a special agent Phillip did not hunt for bad guys like he did for crabs. Throwing sticks and rocks until he finally got lucky and nailed one. He jumped and screamed like he had just caught someone on the FBI most wanted list if that list included crabs slightly larger than my thumb. The best part was his tribe hiding in the bushes and making fun of him. I could have used more of that. Shortly afterward Phillip had a slight meltdown and began crying when he talked about wearing the uniform and loving the good old USA. I’ve never gotten that choked up about an imaginary job in my life.
Meanwhile we had a budding romance between Matt and the very cute Andrea. As they talked on the beach Matt said that he had prayed for God to put him in a good alliance. Really Matt? That’s what Christianity has done for you? Don’t you think God has better things to deal with like famine, earthquakes and making sure the Cubs never win the World Series again? Rob saw this romance brewing and knew had to do something fast. After all he had seen this sort of thing happen before with himself and Amber (or as Rob says, Ambuh) and he knew it was dangerous.
Over at Zapatera Russell was up to his old tricks. He began searching for the hidden immunity idol. I just have to say that I think that gimmick has run its course and it’s time to let it go. Regardless Russell was fooling no one as everyone was clued in to his shenanigans. He even suckered another girl, Krista, to join Stephanie in his little alliance. But something strange happened. No, something even stranger than Ralph crowing like a rooster in his overalls. Ralph fell ass backwards right into that hidden immunity idol while gathering rocks. (Seriously, why do they bother giving clues for these things?) With this we were treated to the best line of the night when Ralph said this about finding the idol: “That’s as simple as wiping your hiney with toilet paper”. I am finding Ralph to be a charming person and I love the shag carpeting he wears all over himself. What’s that you say? That’s hair? Oh that’s gross.
The immunity challenge was next and Ralph basically guaranteed victory for Zapatera. This did not sit well with Phillip who then said that the challenge would bring out the animal in him. Remember that. The challenge involved one castaway at a time swimming across the pool that Fabio relieved himself in, climbing up a platform and breaking a tile with a stick to get a key. Then when all five keys were obtained someone would open three locks on a box that contained a ball. Then two more castaways would have to throw the ball to break five more tiles. Easy, right? Well Ometepe took the lead, but were caught when the attractive Natalie could not get the locks open. Though I will say that I thoroughly enjoyed the fact that both tribes picked a hot girl to bend over in a bikini and fiddle with the locks. Thank you both. Well, the animal in Phillip stayed fairly quiet as he was, at first, horrid at breaking tiles with a ball. Despite a valiant comeback attempt Phillip and his tribe came up short, losing the breaking of the tiles 5-4.
After the loss, Matt was apparently overwhelmed by the feeling of sportsmanship and went over and congratulated the winning tribe. Big mistake. This did not go unnoticed by his fellow castaways, especially Rob who was very upset by this show of support for the enemy. It’s not time to play the happy, friendly game with the neighbors yet Matt. That comes later. For now you are competitors and you do not do what you did.
Russell carried the reward that went along with immunity, fishing gear, all the way back to camp. Is it because Russell is such a nice guy? No way. Russell knew there would be a clue to the idol in there somewhere and he did find it. Unfortunately for him unless the clue said to look in Ralph’s pocket it was useless. Also unfortunate for Russell was the fact that he was spotted taking it out of there and hiding it. Ralph confronted him on this, but Russell simply did what he does best (lie) while his two little toadys looked on. It was at this point that Russell told Ralph that he was either with him or against him and that came off as a mighty big threat to me. Ralph was not fazed in the least and said that he knew how to play the game too. You go Ralph!
Phillip made an impassioned speech to his tribe back at camp saying it was his fault, but Rob reassured him that the tribe wins as a team and loses as a team as well. We all know that’s not really true, but that’s beside the point. Rob came up with the plan to split the vote and have the guys vote for Kristina and the guys vote for Phillip, but Rob had another card up his sleeve that he was ready to play. It was time for Rob to break his little six person alliance and make it four. He told Ashley, Grant and Natalie that he was voting for Matt and they should vote with him. I think Rob was wavering about breaking up Matt and Andrea, but when Matt made friends with the other team at the challenge his decision was made. Phillip asked Rob who to vote for, but Rob had already figured out that Phillip could not keep his mouth shut about anything and told him he would give him a sign at Tribal Council for whom to vote for.
Tribal was not nearly as fun as it was last week, but it was here that Phillip showed off his tattoos. On his left arm a gorilla and on the right a lion. The gorilla was there to symbolize the treatment you would get from Phillip if you mess with the USA. (cue jingoistic patriot music, flag waving and some rah, rah, America stuff here. Maybe that “America, F*** Yeah” song from Team America: World Police could be the song) The lion was there to symbolize what you would get if you messed with his family. (cue theme from The Godfather) It made me wonder why we do not have a gorilla on our nation’s flag. Imagine how enemy forces would flee if instead of stars and stripes they saw a giant American gorilla. Then I thought of how much better The Godfather would have been if there were lions in it. Seriously, any animal that sleeps 20 hours a day is sure to liven up any film. You have to hand it to Phillip for instantly becoming one of the most interesting and annoying castaways ever.
The tribe went to vote and Jeff tallied the votes. Kristina and her massive, yet unexplained, back tattoo used their immunity idol. She got two votes and did not need to waste it, but she did not know that as she was not privy to Rob’s master plan. As the votes for Matt came out of the urn one at a time his face began to drop and Andrea looked like she was going to cry. Matt was blindsided and Jeff was pleased. Apparently Jesus was not pleased that Matt prayed for something so frivolous and let him have it. So the shocked Matt was off to Redemption Island for some quiet time with Francesca and eventually a battle. What that battle will be I have no idea, but I think it should be fun.
And now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
Comments
Post a Comment