Survivor: South Pacific Finale

Survivor: South Pacific has come to an end and it was a great season.  I have to start, however, by pointing out that I was absolutely correct in my prediction of Sophie being the winner.  


Brandon arrived at RI and promptly told Ozzy, in not so many words, that he was a complete idiot for giving his immunity to Albert.  This was followed by the final RI duel in which Brandon and Ozzy had to hold onto their poles as long as possible.  Wait, that sounds wrong.  Having already seen Ozzy climb palm trees it was obvious that he would be victorious and Brandon would be sent to the jury.  Although Brandon made a game of it, his toes eventually gave out and he was a goner.  Ozzy, was back in the game and not exactly welcomed. 

Ozzy, knowing he was going to be voted out immediately had to win immunity, but at the same time try and convince Coach that he was more worthy of keeping around until the end if the dragon slayer wanted a true battle at the end.  Albert also made some sort of lame attempt to convince Ozzy that if he won immunity he should give it to him or something equally ridiculous.  I started zoning out whenever Albert spoke.

The next immunity challenge involved balancing a board while simultaneously building a house of cards on it.  The idea was to get your cards up to a certain height to win immunity.  Sophie proclaimed to be an expert at this and claimed that she also had a book about building houses of cards.  I’m sorry, but there is something incredibly wrong in your life if you own a book about how to build a house of cards.  There is something even more disturbing if you have actually written that book.  Sophie was able to build a very sturdy and spectacular tower; however, she ran out of cards and had to tear it down.  She even yelled at Albert and told him to come help her.  He refused, but Jeff pointed out that it was an individual challenge and he could not help her anyway.  Ozzy was able to place the final winning card in place and win immunity.  This made everyone angry. 

At TC we had a very emotional breakdown from Sophie.  Ozzy had called her a spoiled brat and Jeff pushed further by asking her if there were any other situations where other people had commented on her character.  Hmmmmmm.

Apparently so as Sophie began crying uncontrollably and appeared to be hyperventilating as well.  This leads to Cowboy Guy Rick being voted out despite the fact that Coach, in his infinite wisdom, had promised him a spot in the final three.  As Cowboy Guy got up to get his torch Coach rose to give him a hug.  Cowboy Guy told him to sit down and refused to hug him.  He was betrayed and was pissed.  It was great seeing someone finally put Coach in his own two faced place. 

The final immunity challenge was a race through a big flower maze to obtain puzzle pieces and then finally put them all together.  Ozzy took a big lead, mostly because Albert kept blocking Sophie’s path, but that lead quickly vanished when it came time to put that puzzle together.  Sophie was able to get her puzzle together and Ozzy’s fate was sealed.  At least it looked that way as Sophie, Coach and Albert jubilantly danced while Ozzy cursed.

When we got back to camp we heard some hoo-ha from Coach about taking another warrior to the end, but we all knew that was just a line of crap from Coach.  After all, lines of crap start and end with coach. 

I also want to point out that the prayer groups disappeared completely once Brandon was gone.  No prayer circles, no exclamations of Jesus, nothing.  It makes me wonder how sincere Coach and Albert were with their faith to begin with.  Not that I am in any situation to question one’s faith, but Coach flings those four letter words pretty freely without Brandon around and tells a lot of tall tales for someone that claims Christianity.  He’s also about the least humble guy I’ve ever seen.  I don’t like Coach, but I laugh at him since he is such a cartoon.  On the other hand I despise Ozzy.

So at TC Ozzy was promptly voted out despite the alleged dilemma from Coach.  Ozzy has set a record for getting his torch snuffed three times in one season.  That’s just wrong.  I hope that RI is gone for good now.  The drama of the torch snuffing has been diluted by RI.  But this time Ozzy is gone for good and prances off like a little school girl, which is great because when he comes back the next night at the jury he has his hair in pigtails and looks disturbingly like Wendy from Wendy’s. 

The final three of Albert, Coach and Sophie then proceed to have the traditional final three breakfast followed by the burning of the camp.  This was probably followed by the fallen comrades segment, but for a second straight season we were spared from that. 

Now I am not going to go into all the details of how the final there pleased their cases or what the jury asked them, but I will tell you that Sophie spoke what is now my all time favorite line in Survivor history when Dawn asked her why she chose to align with Coach.  Sophie said “When I saw Coach I saw him as the equivalent of a young girl”.  I love that line and could not agree more.  Whenever I see Coach I am reminded  of young girls.

Also, Brandon asked what should have been a simple yes or no question to Albert who, by the way, had about as much a chance of winning as I have of being named Queen of England.  Brandon asked him if he knew he was being voted out and then kept hollering yes or no, yes or no.  Albert kept attempting to answer the question with some sort of explanation, but Brandon would have none of it.  Yes or no?  Albert kind of sort of said no and Brandon called him a liar, which was correct. 

Whitney looked really hot.  I don’t recall what she asked or said.  I was mesmerized by her beauty. 

Sophie also called out Coach and told everyone how they had found the idol and duped Brandon into thinking they suddenly found it when he was searching for it.  The look on Brandon’s face was priceless.  The votes were cast and read live on the air.  The final vote was 6-3-0 in favor of Sophie.  Coach somehow managed to get three votes and Albert got a well deserved zero.

At the reunion show I was upset to learn that Brandon’s family did not show up to the finale and most of them seem to think he played a poor game.  Even Uncle Russell, who sat smugly in the crowd, stood up to tell Brandon that he played horribly from day one.  Nice family.  I get the idea that the Hantz family is made up of a whole lot more Russells than Brandons. 

Sadly we did not get to hear a word from the smoking hot temptress Mikayla or from the equally lovely

Elyse.  We didn’t hear from Papa Bear either, but we did get to see him jumping around and waving like a yahoo.  Sophie got her check live on the air and cried again. 

Overall it was a very satisfying season.  I would like to request a few things of the producers:

1. Please get rid of Redemption Island for good.  It was a novelty at best and spoils the finality and symbolism of the torch snuffing.
2. Please go back to a final two as opposed to a final three.  The final three has always dragged in at least one player that would likely not be there that gets no votes.  (See Albert this year, Natalie last year, Sash before that, etc.)
3. Enough with the bringing back former contestants.  Unless you are going to have two tribes of hot babes and bring back Elyse & Mikayla I suggest you just stick with new people every season. 

I understand that the next season has already been filmed so if any of those things are in there I understand, but let’s shape things up for next fall, okay? 

And with this I sign off from leaving you fine people recaps from Survivor.  It’s been fun, but as much as I love the show I am tired of writing about it.  Don’t worry though my friends, I will probably make some sort of commentary for you during the next season.  Especially if we have someone particularly stupid in the cast.