Survivor: South Pacific: The Manson Family Christmas
After taking a week off for Thanksgiving, Survivor returned with a bang last
night. I learned that Cowboy Guy has a name, Rick, and that he can actually
speak. Seriously, has he been sitting down and watching this with his family
and having to say something like “I was there! Really!” Well now they finally
have proof. I also learned that I have a really dirty mind as many things that
were spoken made me giggle like a kid.
But, as usual, we will start at the beginning. Cochran made a charming comment that he felt like he was in league with the Manson Family and he was afraid he was Sharon Tate. Then he immediately grossed everyone out by telling us a story of how he made phony phone calls as a kid, but was never very good at it. Cochran said he used to call girls and say “I really want to swap sperm with you.” Apparently law is the right profession for Cochran as anything in the medical field seems completely out of the question. Why no women ever beat the crap out of him I have no idea. Despite sharing this story Cochran still felt it was a good to tell the Manson Family, I mean Te Tuna, that he’d like to be kept around for at least one more vote as a thank you for flipping to their tribe. Frankly after that last comment I would have immediately begged Jeff for an instant vote.
At RI we saw Ozzy, Dawn & Whitney compete in an act of balancing
plates to see who would get to stay on RI. As they stacked plate after plate
and cup after cup I got bored because plate stacking can only keep my attention
for so long before I’m napping like Albert. Dawn was the first to drop her
plates followed by Whitney. This gave Ozzy exactly what he wanted and sent him
back to RI. As Jeff spoke with Dawn about her adventure and she was reduced to
tears. So much so that she professed her love to Jeff. Creepy! But you know
what was creepier? This exchange between Jeff & Dawn as she was instructed
to place her buff in the fire:
Dawn: Put it in Jeff?
Jeff: Put it in.
It was difficult to suppress my childish laughter, but I kept my cool as it was time to bid Whitney goodbye. Whitney was our last hot girl on the show and I am sure Brandon was thrilled to see her get the boot. She left without incident and made no awkward sexual advances towards Jeff. After all she had to get home and file for divorce.
After that we retuned to camp where we saw some very odd things. There was Cochran standing in the ocean holding a fish. That was his job and he was darn good at it. Then we had Edna doing laundry while Albert relaxed and napped in a hammock. Then it happened. Rick spoke! He referred to Albert as Prince Albert (or Princess Albert according to Cochran) Even though he did not know it at the time; Albert must have suspected something because he immediately got up and inexplicably dumped Edna’s laundry water into the fire.
Coach and Cochran worked out with a little Tai Chi, or CoaChi if you prefer, on the beach. They made the conclusion
that making funny movements on the beach would help one of them win immunity.
But that’s why they play the game!
It was a twofold challenge. The first part was the ever popular tossing bags onto crates. The second would have the top three performers aiming coconuts at beg targets. In addition to the immunity the winner would be treated to a shower and a massage, Well, Albert was victorious and Jeff said he could take one person with him. Albert chose Coach, which was kind of creepy. I’d either pick a hot girl or the person that finished second in the challenge. You can’t go wrong that way. Since the last hot girl was gone I think he should have picked Rick, for no other reason that he had to have something to say. But Albert was not done yet. He asked Jeff if he could take one more and Jeff said no. Then he asked if he could give away his win to someone else. Jeff obliged and Albert gave his prize to Cochran. Why Cochran? Well since they planned on voting him out next it was painfully obvious it was a ploy for his vote at the end.
After watching Coach
take a shower we saw our Tai Chi guys make their way to the massage tables.
Cochran had never had a massage and this led to the hilarious line “I’m looking
forward to being on the receiving end for once”. Again, laughter ensued for a
moment, but then got louder when Cochran exclaimed “Having a beautiful woman
stroke the inside of my legs is a new experience for me”. Cochran is a master
of the English language.
After some dilly dallying around camp and some maneuvering by Cochran to stay in the game we headed to TC. Before we discuss what happened I need to note that Whitney really cleans up well. Damn that girl is hot. If only she hadn’t soiled her body with some of the most ridiculous tattoos I have ever seen. Does anyone else think that she, the tattoo artist or both of them were roaring drunk when she got them?
Now it was completely obvious to me that Cochran would be going home despite the fact that Coach and Albert told him that they would be going to bat for him and doing everything they could to keep him in the game. Edna knew she was next in line
and aligned herself with Cochran to vote for Rick, thinking that Coach and
Albert would follow suit. Before we could get to the inevitable vote, however,
Brandon raised his hand, which honestly is never good. After Jeff acknowledged
him he said “I want to do wrong things”. Why isn’t everyone scare of this guy?
He’s incredibly unstable and he obviously wants to do wrong things. What kind
of wrong things? I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be sleeping near this guy and
then find out what kind of wrong things he wants to do. He followed that
statement up with “I’m human, but there’s something stronger inside me that
won’t let me”. Won’t let you what? Be human? I have absolutely no idea what
he was trying to say, but they have got to get rid of that guy. He’s scary.
Our castaways voted (Coach saluted the votes as he normally does for no apparent reason) and Cochran was sent to RI. Cochran proclaimed it was a dream come true to have his torch snuffed by Jeff. Again, that sounded dirty to me, but whatever. I would just love to see Cochran kick Ozzy’s ass at the next RI duel. That would be some sort of poetic justice as Ozzy has gotten way too arrogant for his own good.
But, as usual, we will start at the beginning. Cochran made a charming comment that he felt like he was in league with the Manson Family and he was afraid he was Sharon Tate. Then he immediately grossed everyone out by telling us a story of how he made phony phone calls as a kid, but was never very good at it. Cochran said he used to call girls and say “I really want to swap sperm with you.” Apparently law is the right profession for Cochran as anything in the medical field seems completely out of the question. Why no women ever beat the crap out of him I have no idea. Despite sharing this story Cochran still felt it was a good to tell the Manson Family, I mean Te Tuna, that he’d like to be kept around for at least one more vote as a thank you for flipping to their tribe. Frankly after that last comment I would have immediately begged Jeff for an instant vote.
Dawn: Put it in Jeff?
Jeff: Put it in.
It was difficult to suppress my childish laughter, but I kept my cool as it was time to bid Whitney goodbye. Whitney was our last hot girl on the show and I am sure Brandon was thrilled to see her get the boot. She left without incident and made no awkward sexual advances towards Jeff. After all she had to get home and file for divorce.
After that we retuned to camp where we saw some very odd things. There was Cochran standing in the ocean holding a fish. That was his job and he was darn good at it. Then we had Edna doing laundry while Albert relaxed and napped in a hammock. Then it happened. Rick spoke! He referred to Albert as Prince Albert (or Princess Albert according to Cochran) Even though he did not know it at the time; Albert must have suspected something because he immediately got up and inexplicably dumped Edna’s laundry water into the fire.
Coach and Cochran worked out with a little Tai Chi, or CoaChi if you prefer, on the beach. They made the conclusion
It was a twofold challenge. The first part was the ever popular tossing bags onto crates. The second would have the top three performers aiming coconuts at beg targets. In addition to the immunity the winner would be treated to a shower and a massage, Well, Albert was victorious and Jeff said he could take one person with him. Albert chose Coach, which was kind of creepy. I’d either pick a hot girl or the person that finished second in the challenge. You can’t go wrong that way. Since the last hot girl was gone I think he should have picked Rick, for no other reason that he had to have something to say. But Albert was not done yet. He asked Jeff if he could take one more and Jeff said no. Then he asked if he could give away his win to someone else. Jeff obliged and Albert gave his prize to Cochran. Why Cochran? Well since they planned on voting him out next it was painfully obvious it was a ploy for his vote at the end.
After some dilly dallying around camp and some maneuvering by Cochran to stay in the game we headed to TC. Before we discuss what happened I need to note that Whitney really cleans up well. Damn that girl is hot. If only she hadn’t soiled her body with some of the most ridiculous tattoos I have ever seen. Does anyone else think that she, the tattoo artist or both of them were roaring drunk when she got them?
Now it was completely obvious to me that Cochran would be going home despite the fact that Coach and Albert told him that they would be going to bat for him and doing everything they could to keep him in the game. Edna knew she was next in line
Our castaways voted (Coach saluted the votes as he normally does for no apparent reason) and Cochran was sent to RI. Cochran proclaimed it was a dream come true to have his torch snuffed by Jeff. Again, that sounded dirty to me, but whatever. I would just love to see Cochran kick Ozzy’s ass at the next RI duel. That would be some sort of poetic justice as Ozzy has gotten way too arrogant for his own good.
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