Dancing with the "Stars"
As I have said before I am not a big fan of reality TV with the exception of Survivor and The Amazing Race. I have never seen Dancing with the Stars so I guess I should explain why I am writing about it today. Most of you know that I am a die hard Howard Stern fan and listen to his show daily. Howard often talks of his fondness of this show and as I listened to his recap today I thought about the people that are considered “stars” on the show. When I see commercials for DWTS I cannot tell which ones are the alleged stars and which are the professional dancers so I decided to go through the list of these seasons contestants and judge for myself their star quality.
For the record I had to go online and look up the cast list since I obviously had no idea who was actually on the show this season. While I perused the cast list I did not bother to look up any of the “stars” names lest I figure out what qualifies these people to be stars. Mind you I am not saying anything bad about the show per se, just the serious lack of real stars. I don’t watch it because it’s just not my thing. Frankly I think I am missing out a bit because some of the professional female dancers are incredibly hot and they wear really skimpy outfits. I just have to enjoy them in photos because I just do not have the patience for this show. So without further ado let’s take a look at the cast.
David Hasselhoff – Okay, so he was on Knight Rider and then Baywatch and became a singing sensation in Germany, but is he a star? In my opinion he is more famous now for eating a hamburger off the floor than any acting achievements. I do know that he was formerly a judge on America’s Got Talent, which I accidentally saw once and when I did I came to the realization that America has a serious lack of talent. Seriously, when you have ventriloquists, a kid that can fly a kite indoors and 100 different lame dance acts there is a problem. So is the Hoff a star? No. He’s a punch line. Number of real stars on the show thus far: 0 out of 1.
Michael Bolton – He is commonly referred to as a singer, but I find his voice as grating as listening to a screeching cat or Celine Dion. Somehow this guy had some hits back in the 90’s, but that really was attributed to his hair more than his “talent”. He has not had a hit in at least 15 years so he is just a joke now as I am sure anyone that ever bought one of his CD’s has long since tossed it or sold it at a garage sale. I have to give him points for once dating Nicollette Sheridan, who was quite hot in her day, but not enough points to make him a star. Stars on the show: 0/2.
Margaret Cho – She once had a TV show about her Asian family which I never saw. However I have seen her alleged stand up comedy. I enjoy stand up comics, but I never found her act to be amusing in the least. I am sure she has many fans, but for the most part these days she is playing places like Zanies and Bob’s Laugh Hut. Stars on the show: 0/3.
The Situation – I have no idea who the hell this is and could not pick him out of a lineup. I was told he is on a show called The Jersey Shore, which I have never seen. I do not know his real name or why he is called by this nickname. However, if your name is The Situation odds are that you are an asshole. Stars on the show: 0/4.
Florence Henderson – We have the mom from The Brady Bunch and longtime spokeswoman for Wesson Oil on the show as well as a lousy lounge singer. Is she a star? Well, yes I guess she is although her relevance in the entertainment world has long past. She is the obligatory old person on the show and seems to be following the Betty White mold of attempting to become famous again. (Speaking of which I am tired of Betty White and thinks it is time to let her go back to pasture) For me a star is someone that if I saw them on the street I would stop and get a picture. I would take a photo of Florence. Stars on the show: 1/5.
Brandy – I have no idea who the hell this is, but if you are going by one name you better be Cher or Madonna. Otherwise get a last name. I think this person is a singer, but I am not sure. Stars on the show: 1/6.
Rick Fox – This is an athlete. I believe he played in the NBA, but I could not tell you what team he played for. My guess is that he is tall and probably pretty good at dancing. But is he a star? Well I would not recognize him on the street and the only way I’d get a picture of him is if he walked in front of the camera as I was snapping a photo of Florence Henderson. Stars on the show: 1/7.
Jennifer Grey – In theory this is still the same girl that was in Ferris Bueller, a movie I loved, and Dirty Dancing, a movie I despised. However, she looks nothing like that person anymore. She got a nose job years ago and I am not sure if Joel Grey recognizes her at this point. Regardless she is a very attractive woman and despite the fact that she has worked very little since the nose job she is still the crazed Jeanie Bueller to me. That said is it fair to have someone in a dancing contest that once did a movie about dancing? Aren’t these supposed to be stars that are not known for dancing? Isn’t that the idea? Stars on the show: 2/8.
Kyle Massey – I have not even the slightest idea who this person is. No clue. I could think for 40 hours straight and never come up with a thing. My guess is that he once jumped on subway tracks and saved a baby. That’s all I’ve got. Stars on the show: 2/9.
Bristol Palin – Does having a stupid name, an illegitimate child and a failed pig of a politician for a mother who has the intelligence of broccoli make you a star? Um, no. I actually saw a clip of her dancing on CNN Headline News one morning. I’ve seen sacks of potatoes dance with more rhythm and grace. Stars on the show: 2/10.
Audrina Patridge – Oh my gosh this girl is way hot and sexy. I can see why they put her on the show, but is she a star? From what I understand she was once on a reality show, but do not ask me which one. I have no idea. If you are famous from a reality show that I’ve probably never heard of are you really a star? Sure you’re hot and if I saw her I’d want a picture of her, but I would not recognize her as a star I would probably just think it was her day off from Hooters. Stars on the show 2/11.
Kurt Warner – Former NFL QB for the Rams, Giants and Cardinals. Former league MVP (twice), Super Bowl MVP and future Hall of Famer. He’s also one of the classiest and nicest guys to have played in the NFL. Yes, I’d stop and say hello to him and get a picture of him, but is he a star? Yes, to me he is. Stars on the show: 3/12.
So in Sir Griffins’ opinion there are a mere three stars on DWTS. Pretty sad. I’d like to petition ABC to change the name of the show to Dancing with the Has Beens and Never Weres.
Until next time my friends…
You don’t have to be Jewish to love levy’s.
Comments
Post a Comment