Survivor Nicaragua: Where is Purple Kelly?
Where is Purple Kelly? We rarely, if ever, see her and we most certainly do not ever hear her talk. What’s up with this? Purple Kelly is the hottest girl on the show yet we get endless shots of Jimmy T. and his shirtless body. Yuck! But then again Jimmy T. is the greatest thing ever. Just ask him and he’ll tell you. We’ll talk more about that moron later, but right now I want to make a plea for our missing Kelly. I am begging the producers now for more Purple Kelly!
Okay, let’s get started. We saw our Espada tribe coming back to camp after the ridiculously stupid ouster of Jimmy Johnson and the entire tribe was treated to the soothing sounds of Jimmy T. Is he really singing? Oh my gosh he is really singing and he is so bad I cannot even figure out song he is mutilating. Please make him stop. At this point I realized that Jimmy T. had to go soon. Little did I know that he would become more and more annoying as the show progressed.
Over at La Flor, where we all know Purple Kelly has already gone missing, we were treated to some fun with NaOnka and Brenda. Now, Brenda is a cutie, and I think I have figured out her strategy. Make friends with the devil, take her to the finals and walk away with a million bucks. Brilliant plan, however it means that we’ll be stuck with the angry NaOnka for the entire season. Yuck! Anyway, Brenda and NaOnka went off to find the hidden immunity idol once they finally deciphered the clue. They were all happy and hugged and jumped up and down and then NaOnka hid it in her sock. Then when Brenda was not around NaOnka proclaimed that it was her immunity idol and not Brenda’s. Nope. Mine, mine, mine said NaOnka as she then gave a warning for Kelly B to keep her leg away from the fire. NaOnka is a real bitch my friends.
Later on our legless wonder Kelly B and Alina decided to look for the immunity idol after seeing NaOnka and Brenda searching for it. So as they went, NaOnka followed and decided that this was as good a time as any to go up to Kelly B and tell her how much she hated her. As much as I dislike people I have never felt any urge to go up to anyone and tell them how much I hated them. It seems a bit harsh to me, but our girl NaOnka does not seem to care. Kelly B took the high road and just sat there and said okay. She did not want to play into NaOnka’s hands and get angry and start any big shouting match. Although, if she had the chance to do it again I am thinking Kelly B may have wanted to take her leg off right then and there and beat NaOnka into a senseless pulp. I would have liked to have seen that. I do not like NaOnka at all, but she did teach me last week the difference between going hood and going ghetto and for that I will forever be thankful.
We interrupt this blog for a missing persons report. Not only has Purple Kelly all but effectively vanished from the show, but now Fabio has gone missing as well. And where the heck has Benry gone? And what about Sash? Do we really have to go back to the great Jimmy T. Unfortunately yes.
When tree mail came it was a clue along with a blindfold and our proud, but idiotic members of Espada decided it was a great idea to practice walking around blindfolded and taking direction from Tyrone, who at the age of 42 is on the older tribe and I still find that offensive. People were moving at a slow and deliberate pace and everyone could hear Tyrone clearly. This challenge would be a cinch and then Espada could wipe the floor with those young whippersnappers. But wait! It did not go quite as well as hoped thanks to Jimmy T. JT wanted to be the leader. He wanted to have his shot because he is the great Jimmy T and all he is asking for is a chance. Please give him a chance. He begged and pleaded, but Tyrone was the man for the job.
At the challenge, which was sponsored by Sears in case you missed it, we saw that the object was to collect different items and bring them back to the mat. Once all ten items were back at the mat then one team would go out and get a set of keys and a locked treasure chest. The first tribe to unlock the chest would be crowned the winner and receive immunity and any three of the items they collected. (There’s a tarp! You gotta take the tarp!) The medallion of power would give the La Flor tribe the advantage of two items already back on the mat and they chose to use it. A wise move because they would now have a two person advantage on Espada with a victory. (This could change based on the scenes from next week, but not knowing that it was a good move)
We finally got to see Purple Kelly at the challenge, but not that much since she sat out the challenge along with Kelly B. It was fun to watch as Brenda led her tribe through the obstacles and guided them back to mat with the ease of a Seeing Eye dog. Tyrone on the other hand? Well he did his best, but considering he has a tribe of idiots that don’t listen to what he is telling him and knowing now that Jimmy T apparently does not know his right from left there was no hope. They were smashed. Jimmy T complained that he was too far away and could not hear Tyrone, but like most everything that comes out of his mouth, it was just plain rubbish. As La Flor celebrated though we finally got a decent shot of Purple Kelly. Actually we got a completely gorgeous shot of her butt in all its glory and brief as it was it made me quite happy. So happy that I had to rewind and watch it three times. I tell you that girl has an ass on her that could bring peace to the Middle East. Just look at it and worship and adore it and we could have peace on earth. Not kidding here.
La Flor chose the tarp (hooray for the tarp) the fishing and cooking supplies. Did I mention that all the supplies came from Sears? Did I tell you that Jimmy T also came from Sears in a win a spot on Survivor contest? Back at camp Chase opened the tackle box and found a clue for the hidden immunity idol. Since this is Survivor he had no choice but to share that precious information because we all know that when it comes to hidden immunity idols the last thing any tribe member can do is keep it a secret. So he immediately took Brenda out in the jungle to tell her about it. Brenda tried to play along for a bit, but it was all she could do to keep from laughing. She eventually broke down and told Chase that she and NaOnka had found it already, but told him not to say anything to Nay about it. Can you imagine the terror that Brenda will be in for if Nay finds out she told Chase about the idol? I can just see the smoke coming from her ears and the anger and hatred spewing from her mouth.
But then the fun began over at Espada. Jimmy T expressed himself as only he could. He began immediately going into the humble routine of his in which he complains that he needs to be given a chance. If only Jimmy T was given a chance (yes, he does talk about himself in the third person) we could be winning these challenges. But if you don’t want Jimmy T then that’s fine. Well, we all know that it is not fine if they do not want Jimmy T because Jimmy T will not stop begging for a chance to do something. What exactly he wants a chance at I do not know. “Put me in coach” was Jimmy T’s mantra from the beginning and in the end it was his downfall. (Just a reminder that yantra and mantra creates tantra. I’m just saying.) JT and his incessant begging for a chance was too much for me to take. He had to go as far as I was concerned. He was just too ugly and too annoying to keep. Tyrone and a few others still thought Dan should go and they are right. Dan definitely needs to go as he is a huge liability. He still cannot walk and does not participate in challenges worth a crap. In fact last night he did not play at all!
At tribal council Jimmy T continued to beg and plead for his chance. He just wants a shot; is that too much to ask? After all Jimmy T is a proven leader according to Jimmy T.
Jeff questioned Dan on his ability to participate and Dan made it clear that he is not a mudder. In fact, his mother was not a mudder either. Anything involving mud would keep Danny away. Jeff quickly pointed out that it would be difficult to avoid mud in the frickin’ rainforest, but Dan just shrugged. Jimmy T asked for a shot. Then something bizarre happened. We had Holly suddenly speaking up and saying that Jimmy T deserves his shot. In fact she was almost crying in her defense of Jimmy T. Was this more bizarre than filling someone’s shoes with sand and sinking them? Well, no, but defending the shirtless self proclaimed great one? Still pretty odd. In the end Jimmy T was voted off by a vote of 5-3 and the world is a happier place except at Sears because they now know their contest was a failure and no one will ever let a Sears contestant play again.
Looking at next week we see Jeff standing in front of the two tribes and telling them to drop their buffs. Unless they are doing something I have not yet comprehended we are looking at a tribe mix up, which means we will no longer have old vs. young, but a mixed bag of each. I don’t like this twist and have never been a big fan of it. We’ve voted out four contestants thus far and the producers have already decided to give up on the old vs. young set up? If they are merging the tribes way earlier than normal that would be a unique twist and I might be okay with that, but it does not appear to me that that is what is happening. We shall see. We shall see indeed.
And always remember this my friends: You don’t have to be Jewish to love Levy’s.
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